Oct. 12th, 2010

falcongrrl: (Default)
[personal profile] shaterri pointed me to this article and I have to say I have mixed feelings about it, as well as Coming Out Day in general. (Coming out as what? To whom? And why?)

It bothers me that my orientation is supposed to define me.

At the same time, I really hate it that people - people I love - are discriminated against because they've chosen to marry people of the same sex. I hate it that their marriages - which should be exactly as valid as mine is - are usually not legally recognized at all. I really, really hate it that other people, some of whom are also my friends, are or have been discriminated against - that this group is often killed in hate crimes and/or bullied violently because no one wants to believe that their gender can exist independently of their...what is it, even? Chromosomes? Genitalia? I don't even know.

So I care about all this passionately. Personally.

At the same time, when I read this article, I feel as if there is a party with four rooms. In one room, people are talking about trucks and boats over poker and beer while Van Halen is playing. In another, they're dancing to club music and stealing glances at men who are drop dead gorgeous. In another, they're writing poetry, listening to Ani diFranco, and talking about the last episode of the L Word.* In the fourth room, they're reapplying lip gloss, listening to country music, and swapping recipes or gushing over the latest Nicholas Sparks novel-movie-whatever.

And I'm in the hallway, or the bathroom, hiding because I feel like I just don't fit in anywhere. Or maybe I'm frantically going from room to room putting on or taking off makeup. It's probably hardest for me to pass in the male rooms, though y'know, I really like beer and Van Halen, dancing and cute femmy boys, and most certainly Ella Fitzgerald.

Still...I also adore the Indigo Girls (Amy is my favorite), the movie Harold and Maude, and cuddling. On the other hand, I love baking, and I don't even want to tell y'all how many times I've watched When Harry Met Sally. I think everyone reading this must know how I feel about children.

People are complex, and I don't know if OKCupid profiles are the best thing to go on when evaluating who we are. Maybe OKCupid profiles are more about who we think other people - important people! - want us to be. Despite all that, I know I'm likely blurring the intent of the article, which was to say, "Hey, there's really nothing to be afraid of here, unless it's soy milk." ;-)

But here's my not-so-secret wish: I want to go to the party where you don't have to distinguish the girls from the boys, where music of all different kinds is played, and where you have to actually be getting naked with someone before you know if the parts underneath the clothes are all that important anyway. Hopefully - if things have progressed nicely - it won't much matter.

But that's not this world we live in right now.

I know that.

I just don't have to like it all that much.

***

*Okay, who am I kidding here? I would totally be in the lesbian room until I got outed for liking people with penises.

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