Apr. 10th, 2017

falcongrrl: (Default)
So I'm going to try to write in this journal every day, mostly to get into the habit of writing and to practice a little bit. I can't promise that any of it will be remotely interesting.

Today I want to write a little bit about my mental health issues.

I have an anxiety disorder. I'm offically diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, but I also get bouts of panic and panic attacks.

I also have depression. Without medicine, I become very despondent and suicidal. With medicine, it's managed, but I still have bouts of low energy and just general meh-ness. I still struggle with thoughts of not being enough or doing enough.

This (the low energy) has been going on recently. My husband had ankle surgery about a month ago, so I've been taking care of him in addition to doing household chores (haphazardly and honestly terribly) and taking my kids various places and working, when I have work. (I work part-time, doing a contract copyediting sort of work.) When I'm not doing any of those things, all I've been doing is sleeping.

But I think I'm coming out of that a bit. I've been wanting to write in here, which is a good step. I've been a bit more active in terms of getting things done around the house. I'm trying to be gently encouraging to myself.

I've been going to therapy once a week. My therapist and I started moving to seeing each other every other week, but the stress of the current situation has made me bump it back up to weekly.

Right now I have a work meeting coming up in a few minutes, and it's triggering my anxiety. My general symptom is to get really nauseated. Sometimes I actually throw up. So I'm sitting here, trying to calm myself and not to be sick, and so that's what I'm writing about now.

Sometimes I take 1/2 a xanax, but xanax always makes me sleepy.

The death of Amy Bleuel was upsetting, even though I didn't know her personally. It's hard for me to have faith in overcoming these mental health issues when public figures who are also battling depression just can't fight it anymore. But I find myself wanting to get a semicolon tattoo...in spite of it? Because of it? Either way, I feel like I can't give up; I have to keep fighting. I like the idea of having something visceral to remind me of that.

Work meeting is late starting and my nausea has mostly abated. For some reason, work-related things are often triggery.

If you have mental health issues and want to share some of your experiences, please feel free to comment below. I'm keeping this public for now, though, because I'm working to be more open about it and not be afraid of the stigma (which is very real).
falcongrrl: (Default)
  1. How do I separate tags so that they are multiple items instead of one big one?
  2. How do I post about a user or community? It used to be lj user=blahblah inside these < >, I think. I don't know the Dreamwidth equivalent.
TIA if you can help!


falcongrrl: (Default)

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