falcongrrl

Random processing

2023-05-08T17:16:05Z

I'm trying to imagine what Bard would want me to do. I think they would want me to *live*.

So I smelled the gardenias near my mother-in-law's house and I'm trying to find beauty - or at least amusement - in the things around me.

I miss you, dragon. I wish you were still here.

comments

Friendship: Memories of Bard Bloom part 4

2023-05-06T12:13:28Z

Steve’s recommendation aside, there wasn’t a lot that made sense about Bard and me on paper – Bard was a math genius and I’d struggled to get through the modicum of math required for an English degree from a state university. Bard was very active in RPGs and I only very occasionally played, always feeling self-conscious about my lack of strategy. We both wrote, but differently: my poetic storytelling was a far cry from Bard’s convoluted yet tightly contrived plots in their novels.

A mean part of me whispers, how close could you really have been, then? What right do you have to mourn a giant of a person? Who do you think you are, anyway?

I don’t have much of an answer for that part of myself. I usually don’t. But I’m going to try.

Once, after my stepdad’s hemorrhagic stroke, obsessed with death, I asked Bard if they would lead my funeral service. Their response was an unequivocal no. They would not be in good enough shape to lead a funeral service for me, they said. I think of that often now.

Sometimes I wonder about what it would have been like if I had been the one to get cancer and die. I’m no more able to lead a service than Bard would have been. But I wonder if they would have been a better friend to me that last year, those past few months.

It wasn’t the hemiparalysis that bothered me, though I was a bit of an unintentional daredevil wheelchair driver when I visited last May. It wasn’t the change in intelligence or capability.

It was the suffering.

I can and do beat myself up about this: it became too hard watching my friend suffer and being able to do nothing to make it better.

I’m not ready yet to really talk about glioblastoma.

I asked my 20yo what makes a friendship work, because we were in the car together and also because I value their opinion as a person. And as any Gen-Z would, they responded in their own generational language: it’s when you’re vibing.

Even though the language isn’t mine, I knew what they meant even before they went on, “It’s when you can talk about your thing and they can talk about their thing and you don’t need to know the subject to appreciate it. It’s like me and Lav.”

Continuing with the Gen-Z talk, Bard would often spill the tea to me, about themselves and about others. I knew whom they liked and whom they didn’t, and mostly why. I heard who of our mutual acquaintances was crushing on whom. There was something adolescent about it, whispering (typing) secrets at a sleepover and giggling or commiserating.

There was also something profoundly innocent about my feelings toward Bard. People are complex. Connections between people can be complicated. Communication can be fraught, even (especially?) among those closest to us. But I loved Bard simply and wholeheartedly. There just wasn’t ever much conflict between us. “No blame,” they would always say. Or once, when I checked in, “Why on wood would I be mad at you about that?”

Once I bought them a birthday card with a photo of two little girls, holding hands with faces bent toward each other. And despite Bard’s staggering intellect, despite the edgy but hilarious snark, the zaniness – the Bard I knew was one to look at you and say, “How are you?” and really want to know.

I don’t know why Bard and I vibed. I probably never will. But we did. And I’m the better for it.

comments

Florida Visits: Part 3 of memories of Bard Bloom (and Vicki Borah Bloom)

2023-05-05T16:30:31Z

Orlando

As an overview, there was a visit where Vicki and Lav came and we went to the Magic Kingdom at Disney World. There was a visit when Bard was in Orlando for a conference and came up several days earlier to see us. Coincidentally, that coincided with Ellie’s birthday. There were also times when the three of them came to see us. These visits are all mostly blurred in my mind, with some exceptions.

Vicki

· One visit – I think this may have been Vicki alone – Vicki had gotten stung by several bees on the foot before visiting us. The foot had been okay but then kept swelling as time went by. We ended up going to urgent care. I can’t remember what urgent care did, only that Vicki couldn’t wear a shoe on that foot and ended up layering socks. This was all right until we went out that evening, Vicki and her socks walking across various parking lots.

· That same visit Vicki really wanted a Cuban sandwich. Tampa would be a much better place for that, but I was determined to find Vicki some Cuban food in Orlando. Currently we have a Cuban diner not far from the house with great sandwiches, but at that time we had to drive a long way to find a Cuban restaurant at the edge of the Orlando area.

o There were no sandwiches, just plates of food.

o We were with my friend MK and went to karaoke afterwards.

· Karaoke – this definitely deserves its own entry.

o We went to two karaoke places at various visits and played Karaoke Revolution at home.

o I can’t hear “Love Shack” or “Material Girl” without thinking of Vicki and The Peacock Lounge. (I’m not sure if the Peacock Lounge is still in existence.)

§ I think Vicki sang the guy part on “Love Shack” while I sang the other part.

§ Everyone was dancing and clapping and singing along when Vicki sang “Material Girl”

o We went to Big Daddy’s, which was a bit of a dive but well-known for its karaoke.

§ Vicki was wearing her layered socks in the not-so-sanitary parking lot

§ My friend MK was our hype woman who was encouraging everyone to clap and yell for us.

§ We sang “Love Will Keep Us Together.” It didn’t hurt that there was a large lesbian contingent there.

o Oh, Bard. This is a Bard memory sneaking in here. We were playing Karaoke Revolution at home.

§ Bard demurred, saying they weren’t very good at karaoke. I pushed back a little, or maybe a lot. It was fun, I said. They should try, I said.

§ However bad you are thinking Bard was at karaoke, they were worse. Much, much worse.

§ Oh my dear friend, thank you for trying to appease me. You were terrible and yet you tried because I wanted you to.

· Vicki and I went to a Wine Bar in Winter Park. I had never been to a Wine Bar before.

o You put money on a card and then use the card to sample lots of different wines. (Possibly everyone on the planet knows this already.)

o We ordered a cheese flight too. Yum.

o I’m pretty sure that Dave was on kid duty during this trip. I think he and the kids may have dropped us off and then we took a taxi home.

· Vicki and I took the kids to the Magic Kingdom at Disney World.

o I was born and raised in Central Florida. I’ve been going to the Magic Kingdom since I was a small child.

o Vicki was still 100% better than me at organizing. This was before the days of Fast Passes. Vicki got us everywhere we needed or wanted to go and figured out how all the times would fit together. I was in awe of her organizational and managerial talents. (I still am.)

o I think I have memories of going to It’s a Small World and waiting in a long line at Peter Pan.

o There was stroller parking we used for both kids. When you came out of the ride, you had to look around for your strollers, just like being in a tiny parking lot.

Bard

· Another Disney story: we went to a water park while Bard, Vicki, and Lav were visiting, I think to Blizzard Beach

o Bard carefully kept and rinsed out the plastic water bottles so as not to accrue more plastic waste.

o I am pretty sure Bard had both a backpack and a fanny pack.

o My oldest, Daniel, threw a huge tantrum because he was juuuust under the size limit and couldn’t ride on the big slide. Bard and Vicki were watching Ellie while I was trying to talk Daniel down from his pint-sized fit of rage.

· As mentioned before, Bard was in Orlando for a conference and that happened to coincide with Ellie’s birthday party.

o Bard made up an invented alphabet on the spot and wrote something that said Happy Birthday, Ellie, in various glyphs and accented letters.

§ The whole thing looked very alien, and we laughed about it.

§ I might still have it someplace.

o Dave had been playing a lot of chess and wanted to play Bard. Bard demurred, saying they hadn’t played chess in a very long time.

§ Unlike with the karaoke, Bard kicked Dave’s ass at chess. They made it to endgame, but it really wasn’t close.

§ Dave was fascinated by how well Bard played. He didn’t care about losing, just enjoyed the game.

o Dave and I were in an RPG called Swashbucklers of the Seven Skies. Having a foible for your character is built into the system.

§ Dave is very deliberate in everything: speaking, writing, thinking. But he’d written an extra character that was very quick-witted and fast speaking. Dave knew that he couldn’t play his character, but he thought that Bard could.

· Bard said something to the effect of, “I think I can play this, but I’m going to need some caffeine first.” So we consensually gave Bard, a tea drinker, coffee.

· My character’s foible was that they had a crush on everyone they met.

· Bard’s character and my character started flirting rapid fire, going back and forth with crazy innuendos. Dave was trying to move the game forward into some semblance of a plot. In between, we were all dying laughing OOCly.

o Bard and I went to a place called Mead Gardens. Unfortunately, a hurricane had affected the place before I took them there, and I wasn’t aware of that.

§ We wandered around a very rickety boardwalk and luckily no one got hurt.

§ We saw lots of flora but not much fauna, although we did get very close to a great blue heron.

o I took Bard to my friend’s coffee shop and another friend’s chocolate shop. Bard complained a bit about how my second friend didn’t have standard flavors, instead having more exotic types of chocolate. This seems very off-brand for Bard, but I think they were worried about my friend’s business model.

· I went to Tampa with Bard, Vicki, and Lav to see some of their Tampa friends.

o I can’t tell you where we were as I have very little knowledge of Tampa, but there was a big lake and some connected rivers.

§ We saw a cottonmouth snake swim right toward us while on a bridge!

§ This seemed very unusual as cottonmouths are venomous but not super aggressive. Maybe it felt Bard’s dragon energy.

o We went to a Thai restaurant and to a park. (This may have been another Tampa visit, not sure.) I got Thai iced tea for the first time.

o Bard used the word grackle to indicate annoyance. “Grackle grackle grackle.” They were quite surprised to learn that we have some ubiquitous birds down here called grackles. I’m including it here because I think one of the Tampa friends actually called it out to Bard first.

· One of the things I think of as a feature of Florida are its beautiful beaches. Here in Orlando we have easy access to the coarse sand and bigger waves of the Atlantic Ocean beaches. If you want to drive slightly further, you can see the powdery sand and calmer waters of the Gulf. On either side, it’s possible to see dolphins at play and lots of various wildlife, such as crabs and jellyfish.

o Bard hated the beach, so we never went.

All Good Things…

· The visits stopped eventually. I’m not sure why. I think probably because our kids started school and suddenly had drastically different schedules. Here we start school in mid-August, while in NY school doesn’t start until after Labor Day.

· Bard and I still chatted every day online. These weren’t always long, involved conversations. More of a ‘how are things?’ check-in.

comments

New York Visit - part 2 of memories of Bard Bloom (and Vicki Borah Bloom)

2023-05-04T16:20:02Z

That first visit started a flurry of them. I’m not sure who went where next. My memory is blurred. I’m going to start with the trip to New York just because there was only one, as far as I can remember.

New York

My family of four…there’s no euphemistic way to say this…we did not have a lot of money at the time. We were a one-income family and Dave worked for the Florida Virtual School, which was still a part of the school system, so Dave wasn’t drawing a corporate salary. We elected not to take Daniel since Ellie and Lavender were closer in age and likely to want to do the same things. Dave had to work and take care of Daniel.

The adults on the visit collectively decided that each of us would take turns going out at night and leaving one person to watch the two kids (who may have been asleep by then, not sure.) In addition, I think that Vicki may have had a night with her partner (now wife) J while Bard and I watched kids.

Here are some of the highlights:

Ellie

· Ellie had a strange verbal tic that Vicki called “rebooting.” Whenever they felt overwhelmed or confused about what to say next, they would say, “Hi! I’m Ellie!” It didn’t matter that the person already knew them and had been introduced. It was a go-to verbal security blanket.

· Ellie got bitten by some sort of animal at the farm/petting zoo we went to.

· Ellie and I roomed together. Both of us had dry, dry skin from the change in climate. We piled on some Aquaphor that Vicki had.

· Ellie loved the Bronx Zoo (and still does).

· Ellie and I were not sure what to do with authentic Chinese food. We liked the buns.

· Ellie says they were four when this trip occurred.

Lavender

· Lavender was much more precocious than Ellie. They had a music class that I think we all went to.

· Lavender was probably reading by this time.

· Lavender had a bed full of stuffed animals (I think. I might be remembering this wrong. It seems plausible.)

· Lavender was tiny and adorable.

Vicki

· I believe Vicki had soapmaking things and we made soap this visit. There were synthetic (I think?) scents that I loved. To this day, I don’t think I’ve had soap that I loved as much as I did these. Did the kids help us pour them into molds? Was this a craft strictly for the adults? I have no idea. I think there may have been glitter involved.

· On our night out, Vicki and I went to a coffee shop. It turned out that it was Open Mic night. There was a band of highschoolers playing Wonderwall. They weren’t half bad! There was an earnest folk singer (kind of terrible) and the earnest folksinger’s mother (very good.)

o At the time I thought that the mother was a lot better and I was glad to hear her.

o Now as the mother of a twenty something, I feel like, dude, stay in your lane and let your kid shine.

· Vicki and I laughed while making a joke OK Cupid profile for me based on El Condor Pasa.

o I would include examples here of what I’d rather be than what I didn’t want to be but those are all lost in the mists of time.

o Unless Vicki remembers.

Bard

· Bard made dinner for us one night and decided to make mice-shaped meatloafs. Ostensibly they were for the kids, but I think I was the one most impressed. They had little ears (made of olive halves?) and little eyes and tails.

· Bard would read books with funny accents and just talk in funny accents in general. I remember laughing so much.

· Bard pushed Ellie’s stroller when we were in the city, probably because I wasn’t used to the fast-paced NYC walking.

· I had packed for spring in March/April. For me, this meant shorts and maybe one pair of jeans and a light jacket. Needless to say, Ellie and I were underdressed. I don’t know if maybe Ellie borrowed some of Lav’s clothes? If I packed more warmly for them? Anyway, Bard loaned me a pair of jeans. We were both thinner then. However, I’m not sure how it worked because I was a lot shorter.

· Bard and I went to a restaurant on our night out. I don’t remember where we were or what we ate. I just remember talking nonstop.

o No matter how fast you can type, you can’t type nearly as fast as you can speak. And as mentioned in the previous entry, Bard hated the phone.

o As a result, whenever we were together there was a sense (at least for me) of making up for lost time. We would talk and talk and talk. I have no idea what we talked about.

comments

Question

2023-05-04T11:50:56Z

Does DW play nicely with Word? Specifically I want to know if the formatting will carry over.

comments

The Beginning: Part 1

2023-05-03T21:34:58Z

The first time I met Bard online was in 2004. A local in person friend, John Boulton, had introduced me to Steven Stadnicki (or Shaterri), who was quickly becoming a dear online friend. Shaterri and I were chatting on a MUCK platform (if you know, you know) and Shaterri said something to the effect of, "I know this person I think you'd like. You both have kids about the same age and you have similar spiritual beliefs." At the time, I was trying to establish a social life - online and off - while parenting small children, which is not the easiest thing to do.

Shaterri and I started hanging out in a space that Bard had created online called Floki's Circle. Floki was a catlike fire elemental character that Bard roleplayed. Floki itself was supposed to be a little slow or dumb, but often Bard's intellect would shine through as Floki asked characters entering the circle naïve-seeming questions that revealed holes in their elaborate plotlines.

Here is one of Bard's many descriptions for Floki:

Floki is catfolk with a touch of fire, adorned with horns and wings. Its fur is like red copper with fine mahogany streaks, its eyes as green and stripey as malachite. Its four horns are wild and forked, in the shapes of flames frozen in mid-leap, different each time you look at them. Its wings are carved from rippling red-orange amber, full of light refracted from unseen fires. Eleven copper anacondas curl from its spine, ruby eyes gleaming, ruby tongues flickering. It has a short mane of flexible golden glass quills, thin threads of light writhing inside them. A splash of green light with teal highlights blows emerald bubbles at you.

Bard was extremely welcoming to me the first few times I dared to enter the circle, both in and out of character. I don't know if Shaterri had mentioned something along the same lines to Bard - that he thought we would be compatible as friends - or if he'd said something more like "Here's my shy anxious friend who's new to MUCKing."

In the end it didn't matter. Soon I became a fixture at Floki's Circle, a place away from the demands of parenting. Bard and I talked in character and out of character, in public in character and privately through pages (direct messages). We quickly became fast friends.

At the time Bard hated talking on the phone, so all our interactions were through text. But then, Bard's wife Vicki and their child Lavender decided that they wanted to come to Florida. Of course I wanted to meet them! We arranged that Vicki and Lavender would actually stay in our house with my husband (Dave), my two small children (Daniel and Ellie), and me. I hadn't talked to Vicki much at all at the time. I only had a picture of her, but luckily she was easy to spot at the airport and looked exactly like the picture she'd sent.

At the time, Lavender was 1 and Ellie was 2. Ellie was in the habit of calling any feminine adult with caretaking energy "Mama." I had to tell Vicki - someone I'd just met - "Hey, my kid will probably call you Mama. I hope you don't mind."

Luckily Vicki and Lav connected easily with all of us. We didn't go to theme parks on this particular visit, but we went to some Disney-adjacent places like The Rainforest Café. We also did mundane things like go to the grocery store and to my son's preschool. My friend and head of the preschool watched Lavender and Ellie so Vicki and I could go out for coffee. We talked about anything and everything.

Vicki and I had similar views but very different personalities. My style of parenting could probably be called slapdash, and Vicki was much more organized. By the end of the visit, we were all eating, napping, and sleeping on Lavender's schedule.

After I took them back to the airport, I cried.

"That's how you know it meant something," Dave said.

comments

The Fool

2021-02-10T23:43:00Z

I am the fool. The breeze blows across the back of my neck and ruffles my cropped hair. I've already tucked my little dog into my pack, and I feel her wriggling up against my back. I'm wearing a white shirt under overalls, with lace-up boots that I haven't really broken in yet. My feet hurt because I forgot to put socks on this morning. I'm holding a spirit rose in my right hand, and I inhale deeply, savoring its sweet fragrance. I'm so absorbed that I don't realize that my right foot is planted firmly in middair, while my left curves midstride. I hover, as if I'm in a cartoon. But I don't look down. I'm too absorbed in the beauty of a rose, one only I can see.

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-28T08:13:00

2021-01-28T13:23:19Z

Card: 4 of Pentacles

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is the intricacy of the roots.

Describing the Image: An intricate network of roots are growing below a stump with a branch with green leaves emerging from the top of it. Inside the roots are objects: a crown, a locket, a gold coin, and a pocketwatch

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors - green, gold, brown
Shapes - circles, heart, rectangle
Symbols and Meaning - branch and leaf, new growth; crown, power; coin, wealth; pocketwatch, time
Background - n/a

This card makes me feel like the things we hold onto pass away.

It reminds me of Ozymandias.

The energy of this card is about holding onto things that are outdated, though there's still the possibility of growth.

I could use this card's energy today by holding onto things more loosely and focusing on growth.

KEYWORDS: security, wealth, strong foundations, protectiveness, hoarding, controlling

LWB: "Don't cut yourself off for fear of risk. A seed locked in a vault doesn't grow."

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-27T08:11:00

2021-01-27T13:20:36Z

Card: The Lovers

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is how the person is palm to palm with their higher self. How they have a belly and don't conform to traditional ideas of beauty.

Describing the Image: A person and their shadow-starry image are palm to palm. Beneath them are apple boughs with blue flame. The branches are held together with rope with a big knot on the front.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors - blue, green, brown, black
Shapes - roundness of apples, flame shapes
Symbols and Meaning - apples, nourishment, Garden of Eden; stars, hope, universal love; leaves, growth

This card makes me feel hopeful about loving myself.

It reminds me of Peter Pan and his shadow.

The energy of this card is loving, but more of a self-love.

I could use this card's energy today by being compassionate with myself.

KEYWORDS: relationships, communication, connection, self-love, self-acceptance, choices, making a commitment

LWB: "Friends are essential. Lovers are great. But your most important relationship is with yourself."

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-26T08:07:00

2021-01-26T13:12:08Z

Card: 9 of Pentacles

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is the rosemary in the bread.

This card makes me feel like there are good things available.

It reminds me of a dinner with friends or family.

The energy of this card is filled with plenty and abundance.

I could use this card's energy today by being grateful for the things I have.

KEYWORDS: abundance, luxury, self-reliance

"The sweetest fruit is the one you've grown yourself. Enjoy your bounty!"

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-25T08:09:00

2021-01-25T13:15:45Z

Card: Temperance

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is the figure in the center.

Describing the Image: A person with large spirit-wings is holding two cups, one of fire and one of water. They are rising in an arc and meeting in the middle. The person is at the seashore, with one bare foot just touching the water and the other firmly on land.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors: red, blue, orange, gray
Shapes: half-circles
Symbols and Meaning - fire, passion; water, ocean, intuition and mystery; bare feet, connection to nature; wings, spirituality, flight
Background - rocks on shore, evergreens in the distance

This card makes me feel curious about what the day holds.

It reminds me of beaches in Seattle. Also my trainer at $newjob.

The energy of this card is creative, gently powerful, intuitive.

I could use this card's energy today by trusting in my ability to learn and grow.

KEYWORDS: harmony, fluidity, mixing of opposites, non-traditional healing

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-24T09:50:00

2021-01-24T14:57:37Z

Card: King of Wands

Deck: Fifth Spirit Tarot

The first thing I notice is the large torch and the big red flag.

Describing the Image: A person is wearing a long coat and green scarf and carrying a big red flag and a torch. The torch is made from a tree branch with a couple of green leaves on it.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors - green, brown, orange, red
Shapes - n/a
Symbols and Meaning - fire, passion; flag, pride, leadership; green leaves, growth
Background - the shadow of the person

This card makes me feel triumphant.

It reminds me of activism.

The energy of this card is strong and confident in service to a bigger goal.

I could use this card's energy today by...I'm honestly not sure. I like this card, but it's not one I usually associate with myself. Maybe I can use the card's energy by encouraging myself to be more confident.

KEYWORDS: Trailblazer, creative visionary, charismatic orator

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-23T11:16:00

2021-01-23T16:25:10Z

Card: 5 of Wands

Deck: Fifth Spirit Tarot

The first thing I notice is that nest of yellowjackets that may get disturbed.

Describing the Image: A board with a nail, flaming torch, flaming branch, baseball bat, and pitchfork are all crossed over each other. Overhead is a nest of stinging insects. Leaves and fruits are on the tree branch supporting the insect nest.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:

Colors - yellow, red, gray, brown
Shapes - rectangles, oval for nest
Symbols and Meaning - weapons, intent to harm, conflict; stinging insects, pain, "disturb a hornet's nest"
Background - n/a

This card makes me feel cautious

It reminds me of getting stung by wasps

The energy of this card is combative

I could use this card's energy today by being mindful of when I am encouraging needless conflict, particularly within myself

KEYWORDS: battle of wills, competitiveness, conflicted desires or motivations

LWB: "Stop wasting energy on infighting and comparison; channel it into creation instead."

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-20T08:24:00

2021-01-20T13:33:57Z

Card: 9 of Pentacles

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is all of the food laid out before the viewer (me).

Describing the Image: There is an empty plate with an elaborate place setting directly in front of the viewer. There are 9 pentacles on the plate. Directly behind that is a a big spread of food, most of it cheeses, crackers, fruit, bread, wine. The table stretches out far and seems long, and the part we can see ends with a floral arrangement with a glimpse of desserts on the other side of it.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors - varied
Shapes - lots of circles and cylinders
Symbols and Meaning - wheat and food, sustenance, reference to the Empress; pomegranates, reference to High Priestess

This card makes me feel hopeful.

It reminds me of potluck events.

The energy of this card is bounteous.

I could use this card's energy today by allowing myself to feel hope for the future.

KEYWORDS: abundance, plenitude, financial or material independence, luxury

"The sweetest fruit is the one you've grown yourself. Enjoy your bounty!"

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-19T08:25:00

2021-01-19T13:35:47Z

Card: 4 of Pentacles

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is that the tree has been cut down.

Describing the Image: A crown, a coin, a pocket watch, and a locket, are tangled underground in the roots of a tree. The tree, however, is actually just a stump. There is, however, a sprig sprouting from it.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors - mostly brown, some green, gray, tarnished gold
Shapes - half-circle, circles, rectangle
Symbols and meaning - tarnished crown, power and rule that's disappeared; pocketwatch, the passage of time; coin - money; locket - you keep pictures in it
Background - n/a

This card makes me feel disconcerted about the stump.

It reminds me of the poem Ozymandias.

The energy of this card is contradictory - the roots are holding onto outdated treasures, but the tree itself is missing.

I could use this card's energy today by letting go of things that don't serve me, not holding onto things I don't need.

KEYWORDS: protectiveness, hoarding, controlling

"Don't cut yourself off for fear of risk. A seed locked in a vault doesn't grow."

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-18T08:23:00

2021-01-18T13:34:01Z

Card: Temperance

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is the wings.

Describing the Image: A person wearing a red hoodie, white crop top, and jeans rolled up is at the seashore. They have a peaceful expression on their face. They are holding cups with fire and water coming out of them and touching. One bare foot is just touching the water, and the other is on the sand. Giant outlined wings - in the spirit realm - extend from them. Their converse rest nearby.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors: red, gray, light blue, yellow-orange
Shapes: arches, triangles in the distance
Symbols and meaning: rising sun, new beginnings; fire and water mixing, reconciliation of opposites; wings, flight, freedom; bare feet, one with nature
Background: the rising sun and some evergreens on land, rocks in the water

This card makes me feel peaceful when I look at the person's face

It reminds me of water's edge in Seattle

The energy of this card is spiritual, focused

I could use this card's energy today by being open to creativity and staying balanced

KEYWORDS: harmony, fluidity, non-linear healing

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-17T11:22:00

2021-01-17T16:34:38Z

Card: Queen of Pentacles

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is the plants.

Describing the Image: A person is sitting on a stool holding a potted plant, a rabbit, watering pitcher, and pentacle at their feet. The potted plant has just started to grow. They are dressed comfortably in various shades of tan: a button-down shirt with rolled-up sleeves, pants, comfortable shoes. Behind them are very large potted plants.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors - brown, green, gold, blue, pink (mostly browns and greens)
Shapes - circle, pear, heart-shaped
Symbols and Meaning - rabbit, gentleness; plants, growth; water, connects to cups, lifegiving in this context;
Background - n/a

This card makes me feel like this person is very gentle and nurturing.

It reminds me of Mr. Rogers, though I know he is the King of Cups in this deck.

The energy of this card is warm and grounded.

I could use this card's energy today by tending to things.

KEYWORDS: nurturing, tending, encouraging growth

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-16T10:21:00

2021-01-16T15:32:05Z

Card: 10 of Cups

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is how all the cups are simply overflowing with water

Describing the Image: There is a pyramid of 10 cups, each overflowing with liquid. Three fish in cups at the top of the pyramid are jumping. The cups are varied: coffee cups, a plastic cup with a rainbow on it, a wineglass, a mason jar (with a fourth fish inside), a tumbler with a silly straw, a baby bottle, and a dog dish.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors - mostly white and blue with some orange and then the rainbow
Shapes - cylinders, half-circles
Symbols and Meaning - most of them seem pretty evident except for the fish. I'm thinking of Pisces, dreamlike, with deep feeling. Also fish are at home in water (intuition). Goldfish are pretty hardy and able to survive in less-than-ideal circumstances, I think.
Background - water is spilling a bit at the bottom of the card. Otherwise, the background is plain.

This card makes me feel abundant.

It reminds me of different parts and facets of life because of the different cups.

The energy of this card is joyful, flowing, promising of good things

I could use this card's energy today by appreciating the joy around me and the abundance I have.

KEYWORDS: happiness, contentment, giving and receiving, overflowing love

comments

What is my truth for today?

2021-01-15T14:15:49Z

Card: The World

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is how the woman's body looks a little like mine in terms of size.

Describing the Image: A naked woman holding two rose wands stands in the middle of an ouroboros. The roses are in various stages: bud, full, and shriveled. She is plus-sized, voluptuous, with long hair and tanned skin. White lines radiate out from her. The symbols of Alpha and Omega are next to her, as well as a crescent moon and two astrological signs. Different representations of the elements/suits are on each corner of the card: eagle for air/swords, a monk with a pitcher of dripping water for water/cups, an ox for earth/pentacles, and a lion for fire/wands. There is a globe resting on clouds at the bottom of the card.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors - brown, pink, blue, green, red
Shapes - oval, circle
Symbols and Meaning - moon - intuition; monk - stillness, retreat; water - healing; eagle - power, sight; lion and ox - strength; lion - pride; roses - life stages; alpha and omega - the beginning and the end; ouroboros - eternity, cycle
Background - white rays, clouds

This card makes me feel the fullness of everything

It reminds me of calling corners with the representations of the elements in each corner

The energy of this card is vibrant

I could use this card's energy today by being in touch with all-that-is and spirit

KEYWORDS: transcendence, wholeness, fulfillment

comments

Daily Card Draw

2021-01-13T16:15:08Z

Card: Page of Swords

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is the person's long hair blowing in the breeze

Describing the Image: A person of color with long hair wears glasses, a hat, a white button-down shirt, a sweatshirt, jeans, and converse shoes. They carry a sword over one shoulder and read a book as they walk forward. The wind blows their hair back.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors: pale blue, yellow, gray, white
Shapes: circle on shoes, rectangular book and hat, L shape of leg
Symbols and meaning: book - knowledge, breeze - element of air
Background: just the shadow of the person on the ground

This card makes me feel happy

It reminds me of getting engrossed in a book

The energy of this card is intellectual, airy, relaxed

I could use this card's energy today by engaging in intellectual pursuits

KEYWORDS: learning, listening, focusing, intellectual curiosity, student

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-12T09:48:00

2021-01-12T14:59:34Z

Card: Death

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is that it's the Death card and that feels alarming to me right now.

Describing the Image: An interracial couple holds their child. One of them is breastfeeding the baby, her torso bare. There is a butterfly and snake near them. Above them is Margaret Atwood as a crone dressed in all black, and then to the left and above is a robed, crowned figure with a skull for a face. There are three depictions of the moon: dark, crescent, and full. There is another butterfly near the top of the card. Smoke winds around the figures.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:

Colors - black, brown, gray, white,
Shapes - circles, crescent, winding curves
Symbols and meaning - the moon - intuition, the subconscious; snake and butterfly - rebirth; skull - death; Atwood - wisdom, hard truthtelling
Background - a gray sky

This card makes me feel apprehensive.

It reminds me of Dave's procedure and makes me nervous.

The energy of this card is that of both death and rebirth.

I could use this card's energy today by believing that we are moving into a new chapter of life.

KEYWORDS: transformation, necessary endings, change, releasing

LWB quote: "Nothing is born if nothing dies. All new things are nurtured on the bones of the old."

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-10T11:04:00

2021-01-10T16:11:18Z

Card: 6 of Wands

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is the big sparkler with the laurel leaf around it.

Describing the Image: A large sparkler stands over the other ones, a laurel wreath outstretched to either side. Five more sparklers are below it. All sparklers are brightly lit.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors - gray-blue, whitish-yellow, green
Shapes - asterisks, long pointed rectangles, circle
Symbols and meaning - sparklers - celebration, light; laurel wreath - victory

This card makes me feel like it's time to celebrate.

It reminds me of Fourth of July.

The energy of this card is bright and energizing.

I could use this card's energy today by feeling good about my accomplishments instead of being anxious about what's next

KEYWORDS: success, optimism, confidence, recognition of effort

LWB quote: "Celebrate the big stuff and the baby steps, too. You earned it.

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-09T13:14:00

2021-01-09T18:23:17Z

Card: 7 of Cups

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is the tentacle emerging toward the fish

Describing the Image: Various vases and bottles contain interesting objects: a diploma, a fish, a tiny cottage with mushrooms around it, a ship, a spider, a snowy cityscape, and a tentacled creature.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors - muted - browns, greens, more of a dark green for the tentacle
Shapes - round or cylinder for the vases, bowls, and bottles
Symbols and Meaning - ship - travel; fish/water - intuition; cottage and mushrooms - fantastical but earth energy; spider - creation, weaving web; diploma - dream of achievement\; tentacles - exploration?
Background - different shelves for the objects

This card makes me feel unsure.

It reminds me of an old apothecary

The energy of this card is compartmentalized choices

I could use this card's energy today by thinking about options without being anxious or overly attached to them

KEYWORDS: daydreaming, fantasy, distraction, indecision, what-ifs

LWB quote: "You won't know what's in the cup until you choose it."

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-08T11:26:00

2021-01-08T16:36:20Z

Card: Queen of Cups

Deck: Fifth Spirit Tarot

The first thing I notice is how comforting this card feels.

Describing the Image: A person in a leather jacket with a heart patch on her sleeve is sitting at a round table covered with a blue tablecloth. There are crystals above her head and on the table with her. She has a round bowl of water in front of her, a deck of tarot cards, and runes, all for divination. She is wearing pink boots. The chair opposite her is pulled back from the table in a welcoming way. She is wearing a necklace with an upside-down triangle inside a circle. She has a rose tattoo on her left forearm. Her face is open and kind.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors - black, light blue, gold, pink, brown,
Shapes - circle, pyramid crystals, heart
Symbols and Meaning - tarot/scrying bowl/runes - seer, divination, intuition; open chair - invitation; heart symbol - love; rose quartz - self-love

This card makes me feel reassured.

It reminds me of a new-age therapist.

The energy of this card is comforting, empathetic, spiritual.

I could use this card's energy today by...gosh, I want to talk to this woman and gain her wisdom. I don't know who to reach out to who has this energy. I think I will look for this aspect of the divine. I will try to be very gentle and accepting of myself.

KEYWORDS: intuitive, empathetic, loving

comments

falcongrrl @ 2021-01-06T09:55:00

2021-01-06T15:03:11Z

Card: Rx 8 of Cups

Deck: Fifth Spirit

The first thing I notice is the full moon out of the open window.

Describing the Image: A house has pots throughout the living space to catch water, presumably to catch water from a leaky roof. The door is open. Outside the door is a path over some hills. The full moon shines in the background.

Colors, Shapes, Symbols and Meaning, Background:
Colors - muted, mostly grays
Shapes - arcs, circles, rectangles
Symbols and Meaning - moon - intuition; door - way out; home - safety; path - exploration, change
Background - hills and moon, wallpaper in house

This card makes me feel like it's time to move forward.

It reminds me of the leak in the bathroom ceiling.

The energy of this card is clear in terms of it being hard to leave, but yet the road is calling and the way things are is untenable.

I could use this card's energy today by being patient if there are delays to moving forward, and by being patient with myself when I am reluctant to leave my comfort zone.

KEYWORDS: leaving, moving on, journey

comments