falcongrrl | (no subject)

I'm feeling better today in terms of parenting, although I can't say that I'm being that great of a parent. I've been trying to be more mindful generally, to stay in the present and to get more done around the house...it's a struggle. It feels like the more I try the easier it is to be distracted. Nothing to do but begin again.

Tomorrow I'm going to a morning of meditation at the UU church. Three hours of walking and sitting meditation. I'm hoping it's refreshing. Last time I did one of those my mind threw up a bunch of 'not good enough' stuff. My brain seems to be going there a lot lately, and I'm sure it will be a long three hours if it does it again tomorrow. Nothing to do but be with it, keep trying to start over. I'm probably going to 'cheat' - Ross, my friend and the leader of the group, practices insight (vipassana) meditation, but I will probably use a mantra at least part of the time.

Tonight we had a wonderful dinner, mostly prepared by Dave (who is the better cook of the two of us), and now I'm sitting in front of the computer with a glass of wine while he and Daniel play video games. We just want to get this damn game over with so we can put it away for good. :-)

Overall I've been feeling pretty good. I'm worried about several of my friends (

foxmagic, apologies for not calling you...it's very hard for me to find a quiet corner for a phone conversation) now, but at the same time, I feel like I really have kick-ass friends, and I'm so so so grateful for that.

Speaking of kick-ass friends,

monkeyman did this way cool CD exchange thing, and I'm thinking of trying it myself. So, more info on that to follow at some point. I don't know if the person I'm partnered with will like the songs or not, but I had lots of fun speculating and picking them out.

I haven't been doing much writing lately. I still need to go back and rewrite my short story, and send the next version out to some folks for crits (volunteers welcomed) and continue working on the poem portraits as well. I seem to be finding far too many reasons to avoid writing, and at the same time, I miss it.

That's all I have for now. More later, perhaps, if I can formulate my thoughts into something resembling coherency.

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Vipassana meditation is hardcore - nothing to hold onto at all. My yoga teacher, R, did it last fall, and she said it was hellish. By the end she felt really glad she'd done it, but it was miserable. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to do mantra rather than jump into something that feels more scary than we're ready for. Amma says japa is like the rope that helps us climb the mountain.
You could also do Ma Om meditation, but we can chat about that on IM or via email.

Thanks. The Ma Om helped a lot. I used Om Namah Shivaya, too.