falcongrrl | (no subject)

It's been a busy week, but we survived without Dave for four days and he's back from Wisconsin now. He even came back bearing gifts for me--incense and a brass sculpture of dancing Shiva. I love both of them. :-)

Our pagan group's ritual for Lammas is this weekend (as well as

shaterri's birthday, so pet the foxtaur if you see him around. :-) ). I had a lot of stress last night trying to find something to wear for Saturday, but I think I finally acquitted myself, with a long plum-colored skirt that looks very light and airy. My friend L has a white, gauzy, see-through sort of shirt that I'm going to borrow and wear over a white camisole. I'm not sure about shoes yet--either I'll look for some pretty sandals or go barefoot.

Either way, last night brought up a bunch of issues related to my weight and appearance. Basically, I've lost 20 pounds...which sounds like a lot, and brought me from 202 to 181 1/2, but still makes me cringe in dressing rooms, especially when trying on something that clings or shows curves. I tend to dress both for comfort and camouflage--oversized t-shirts and jeans or shorts being my standard uniform--and go for a slightly-cutely-feminine-but-also-androgynous sort of look. I mean, sometimes I wear Dave's clothes, so make of that what you will. But trying to find something that would make me feel like a goddess, and conjure images of Air and flight and beauty...without going, well, IC...was hard. And it brought up all the limitations of my body and being earthbound.

Still, I know I don't have all that much to complain about. I'm healthy, reasonably speaking. I'm learning how to eat in ways that are better for me, but it's a process, and not one I should expect to have solved overnight. I am beautiful, in my own quirky way...I know that, even as sometimes I forget to remember it. :-)

I've also made great strides in organizing the house, mostly by treating it as an opportunity for mindfulness/spiritual service. I need to get busy on it today though. Today I woke up cranky and tired, and I'm trying to rejuvenate myself in order to be a better parent/housekeeper/wife/friend etc. So far rejuvenation has been taking a little time to read the Gita, listening to new age music, and drinking tons of coffee. We'll see if it works.

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From my point of view, you seem to have a better perspective on your body than many of the women who claim to be assured and comfortable. Recognizing that you camoflauge yourself is definitely an enlightened awareness. ;)

And, I think, dressing rooms are designed to make us feel completely inadequate--the harsh lights that accentuate every dimple and make curves look like bulges.

I'm sure you will look beautiful and embody Air and flight and beauty--you already exude it in your journal. :)

Thank you. :-) ♥

You are beautiful, period.
Darlin', I dream of getting back down to 180ish. I'm at 270 these days (at 5'7"), and I'M beautiful, so there you go.

There is also, btw, nothing wrong with choosing clothes that make you look and feel as beautiful as you are when out in the world with the judging, sheeplike people.

Any thoughts on the best way of doing this? Places to shop, online vs. in store shopping, etc...

The key is really developing an eye for what looks good on you; then you can apply that knowledge no matter where you shop. These days, I do a lot of my shopping at Fashion Bug; I've gotten a number of lovely and flattering things there, and if you buy mostly clearance and "priced just right", it's really not that expensive. (I also have a credit account with them and I pay $25 a year for the premium thing that gets me extra discounts and tons of good coupons.) But I've also found lots of great stuff at Walmart.
Because you are a bit shorter than most clothing is designed for, pants probably run a bit long, but the bright side is that shirts probably run a bit long, too, and that's good. I don't wear shirts that are higher than the tops of my thighs, and frequently shirts are just a bit short for my taste.
Know your measurements, and check sizing, because makers can vary widely. One of the pant makers at Fashion Bug, for example, has an inseam for average that most pants have for tall, and I'm best off with their petite sizes if I don't want to walk on my pants. :P This also will enable you to shop online/through catalogs better. Lane Bryant Catalog (NOT the same as Lane Bryant) sells a lot of stuff at good prices, particularly, again, if you watch the clearance section.
Try stuff on that you normally wouldn't; if you can, get another pair of eyes to help choose things to try on with you. Shopping for clothes can be a serious workout and draining, but it pays off when you have a wardrobe you are truly happy with, especially if you choose pieces that won't become dated too quickly. Also, when trying stuff on, assess all the aspects of the clothing; maybe the print/color is all wrong, but the cut is fantastic; file that information away and keep an eye out for the piece that has all the right components.
I'm going on and on, but, then, I've spent a lot of time on figuring this stuff out. *grin*

*hugs* Thank you. (And yes, you are. ♥)

Hey, congrats on losing 20 lbs! It *is* a lot, even if you don't think it seems that way. Y'know, you're only about 40 pounds heavier than I am, and as I recall, you're taller. :)

I'm 5'4"...for some reason, I thought we were about the same height.

I'd be deliriously happy at 140. But then I think, why not be deliriously happy now? Or at least be willing to practice... :-)

Give

shaterri and

quarrel big hugs from me when you see them in a couple of weeks (speaking of happy thoughts.) :-)

I will! And I vote for practicing being deliriously happy now. You wouldn't want to get to 140 pounds and not be sure how to do the deliriously happy thing, would you? You've already lost 20 pounds, 140 isn't that much farther away. :)

I'm something a little under 5'3", so we are pretty close in height. I think part of why I'm thinking you're taller is that you were wearing heels the last time I saw you in person. Well, that and you *are* taller. :)