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[falcongrrl]

It's been a busy week, but we survived without Dave for four days and he's back from Wisconsin now. He even came back bearing gifts for me--incense and a brass sculpture of dancing Shiva. I love both of them. :-)

Our pagan group's ritual for Lammas is this weekend (as well as shaterri's birthday, so pet the foxtaur if you see him around. :-) ). I had a lot of stress last night trying to find something to wear for Saturday, but I think I finally acquitted myself, with a long plum-colored skirt that looks very light and airy. My friend L has a white, gauzy, see-through sort of shirt that I'm going to borrow and wear over a white camisole. I'm not sure about shoes yet--either I'll look for some pretty sandals or go barefoot.

Either way, last night brought up a bunch of issues related to my weight and appearance. Basically, I've lost 20 pounds...which sounds like a lot, and brought me from 202 to 181 1/2, but still makes me cringe in dressing rooms, especially when trying on something that clings or shows curves. I tend to dress both for comfort and camouflage--oversized t-shirts and jeans or shorts being my standard uniform--and go for a slightly-cutely-feminine-but-also-androgynous sort of look. I mean, sometimes I wear Dave's clothes, so make of that what you will. But trying to find something that would make me feel like a goddess, and conjure images of Air and flight and beauty...without going, well, IC...was hard. And it brought up all the limitations of my body and being earthbound.

Still, I know I don't have all that much to complain about. I'm healthy, reasonably speaking. I'm learning how to eat in ways that are better for me, but it's a process, and not one I should expect to have solved overnight. I am beautiful, in my own quirky way...I know that, even as sometimes I forget to remember it. :-)

I've also made great strides in organizing the house, mostly by treating it as an opportunity for mindfulness/spiritual service. I need to get busy on it today though. Today I woke up cranky and tired, and I'm trying to rejuvenate myself in order to be a better parent/housekeeper/wife/friend etc. So far rejuvenation has been taking a little time to read the Gita, listening to new age music, and drinking tons of coffee. We'll see if it works.

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