Ingesting Implements

Had an interesting conversation with my four year old this morning over the lyrics to "All Star," by Smashmouth, one of his favorite songs (due in large part to the movie Shrek), and one he's been singing pretty much word for word since he was two.

"Mommy," he begins, "When he says, 'somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me,' is that what means he's not very smart?"

"Well," I pause, thinking. "That part means that someone told him bad things were going to happen to him. But the idea is that bad things will happen because he isn't very smart. When they say, 'I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed,' that's the part that means he's not very smart."

"Okay," he says, thinking.

"So does it mean that if he eats the sharpest tool in the shed he's not very smart, but then if he doesn't eat the sharpest tool in the shed, he is smart."

I choke back laughter, considering this.

"Okay," I say, wondering how to best explain nuances of pronunciation to a four year old. "It's not I AAAAYYYYT the sharpest tool." I stretch out the dipthong of the long a and crisply enunciate the sharp "t" sound at the end. It's "I AAAAYYYYNNNNNNNNNNNNNNT the sharpest tool. 'I ain't' means 'I'm not'. I'm not the sharpest tool."

He weathers this explanation patiently, listening intently. When I finish, he begins again, in the slightly exasperated manner of an intelligent person talking to someone who's...well...you know....

"Okay, Mommy. But what I'm ASKING you (here his voice shows a slight trace of annoyance) is if EATING the tool means he's not very smart." He stops here, waiting for me to respond.

I give up, knowing the child to be the stubbornest person I have yet to encounter. (He gets this trait from his father, btw ).

"Yes, you're right." I say. "Eating the sharpest tool in the shed is not the best idea."

Okay, obviously eating the sharpest tool in the shed, means, in fact, one isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, said sharpest tool already having been consumed by the person in question.

On the other hand, what about that saying, "You are what you eat"?

And don't get me started on the numerous meanings of the word tool...

In any case, the exchange did reinforce the idea that I like this child, find him funny and bright. This was a revelation sorely needed today. Earlier this morning, said child did a reverse slam of the door to his room in anger, knocking a nice neat hole precisely the size of a round doorknob into our dry wall.

Who needs tools anyway with brute strength like that?

We go through the McDonald's drive-thru on the way to preschool, where I comment aloud (mostly to myself) on the oddness of a man hosing down the pavement in the middle of a rainstorm.

"Maybe he can suck up all that water with the hose, Mommy, and then later, when the sun comes out, they can push the water out of the hose."

Okay, I'm seeing a future Creative Consumer (tm) here.

And...all joking about tools aside...I think my kid's pretty sharp.

Now if I can just teach him not to destroy the house, I'll be in good shape.

Anybody got a song for that?

A+