falcongrrl

Sitting at the computer makes it easier to answer questions like "What is a career grand slam in golf?", "Do gorillas have just one alpha male or are there other males in a pack?" and "What would happen to your tongue if you put your tongue on a shotgun shell?"

In other words, it makes parenting Daniel easier. Not easy, mind, just easier.

Daniel: I've decided that we're not playing pirates anymore. We're treasurists.

Me: Treasurists? What's the difference?

Daniel: Well, we're not really focused on being the 'terror of the High Seas,' you know, all that stuff. We're just looking for treasure. And we don't talk funny. Instead of saying, "Aye, mateys, we be headin' full speed ahead," we just say, "Full speed ahead," that sort of thing.

Me: Do we carry swords?

Daniel: Yes.

Me: Why?

Daniel: Well, the treasure that we're looking for probably isn't unguarded.

My child found a black spider yesterday on some fence pieces Dave bought from Home Depot to create some more privacy in our backyard. I was attending a baby shower with Ellie, and Dave and Daniel were working on a home improvement project together. Dave intutively told Daniel not to touch the spider, and he didn't. But he did guide it into a container and put a lid on it.

You know what's coming, don't you?

Yes, we are now the proud captors of a female black widow spider. The little red hourglass is pretty unmistakable.

Umm...Anyone, local or otherwise, have any ideas on what we should do with the thing? Daniel, using our own words back at us, doesn't want to kill it because it's a living creature and a part of Mother Nature. We are concerned about releasing it upon an unsuspecting public. We could take it out into the woods, but still...it feels creepy. Maybe call the science center? Dave and I were kind of hoping it'd be dead this morning, but it's not.

So. Yeah. I'm 35 years old, and this is the first black widow I've ever seen, other than on TV or in pictures. My son is eight, and he manages to catch one of the f***ers.

I don't know how I'm ever going to survive this parenting gig. Too scary. The lid is on really tight, and even though I generally like spiders, I'm giving that thing a wide berth.

Daniel is making...something. Either a CCG or a new MonsterManual, I'm not sure. This is all him - I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. :-)

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Daniel said he didn't like onions, and I was trying to figure out what exactly he didn't like about them.

"They're just intense," he said.

"What does intense mean, exactly?" I said.

"Intense means there's a feeling pushing hard against the whole place."

He understands it better than I thought. Not that that should be any surprise, really.