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Feb. 3rd, 2006 09:13 amI just took the 'Which Lost Character Are You' quiz, even though I've never watched the show. I got Boone. I think that means I'm nice. And cute! Go me... *grin*
I haven't had much to say lately. I've been working on developing a daily spiritual practice, inspired by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-syndicated.gif)
gleefulfreak, mostly. I've been meditating every morning and saying mantra throughout the day, when I get stressed out (which is often) or just when I have a few minutes, like waiting in the car to get Daniel. For a while I was feeling really calm and blissful and I could see the difference. Now it's more up and down--I still feel restless at times, still feel the old angst, but I'm working at continuing, because it's worth it.
I'm also working on my parenting. Concretely, I'm trying to prepare more nutritious foods for the kids. The problem is that they don't want to eat them. @.@ So it's a process sort of thing. I'm working toward eating less meat and hopefully, at some point, becoming vegetarian. I'm preparing more meatless options for now, anyway.
I was thinking this morning about how parenting, more than anything else I've ever done, really brings all of me to the surface--all of the weaknesses and the strengths, the love and the frustration, every emotion and tendency I have just...right there, out in the open. I think that's why I feel like I couldn't tell someone else how to parent. It's such an individual thing. I believe that we each bring our whole selves to the task...and since none of us is perfect, we all fuck up in different ways, all learn different things. I don't mean that as an excuse for not doing better, just more as an observation. I can't think of anything else that's as all-encompassing. I think for some people, SO partnerships can fulfill that role, or work, or other things--but while my career defined me for at least seven years, I was able to let that go. At some point I stopped thinking of myself as a teacher. But I don't know that I'll ever be able to stop thinking of myself as a parent. It's just a different level of engagement.
Anyway, I want to read so many books... Right now I'm working on the mantra book Laura sent me (thank you!) and Living in the Light, a book I borrowed from my friend Ross. Parenting-wise, I want to read the Siblings without Rivalry that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
earthsister recommended, as well as Mindful Parenting by Jon Kabat-Zinn. That said, I have a whole stack of books on the 'to-read' list and should probably wait before purchasing more. :-)
On the resolution front, I haven't done as well with writing since NaPoeWriMo ended. I took a couple of days off and now I'm trying to regroup a bit. The house looked amazing when Dave's parents were here, but it's started a slow decline and I need to get it back into shape, over the weekend if possible. I'm still working on mindful eating but exercise just hasn't been incorporated yet. So...yeah. I need to get back to a lot of the goals I set for myself, but not in a punishing or judgmental way, just in a loving this-would-be-good-for-me-&-the-family sort of way. I don't think the 'goddamn it why can't you just (fill in the blank) already' is a particularly healthy way to approach things...and yet there's a part of me that's quick to think/say it to myself. So I'm working on that. I want to be more compassionate (now, dammit! *giggle*) and yet it's a struggle, both with myself and with others. The better I get the more I see how much better I could be, which is hard.
So, yeah. I should go and get some housestuff done. It's a gray, cloudy day today, perfect for staying indoors and drinking a lot of hot tea (isn't every day, really?) but I want to work on the house too.
So...what's new with you? :-)
I haven't had much to say lately. I've been working on developing a daily spiritual practice, inspired by
gleefulfreak, mostly. I've been meditating every morning and saying mantra throughout the day, when I get stressed out (which is often) or just when I have a few minutes, like waiting in the car to get Daniel. For a while I was feeling really calm and blissful and I could see the difference. Now it's more up and down--I still feel restless at times, still feel the old angst, but I'm working at continuing, because it's worth it.I'm also working on my parenting. Concretely, I'm trying to prepare more nutritious foods for the kids. The problem is that they don't want to eat them. @.@ So it's a process sort of thing. I'm working toward eating less meat and hopefully, at some point, becoming vegetarian. I'm preparing more meatless options for now, anyway.
I was thinking this morning about how parenting, more than anything else I've ever done, really brings all of me to the surface--all of the weaknesses and the strengths, the love and the frustration, every emotion and tendency I have just...right there, out in the open. I think that's why I feel like I couldn't tell someone else how to parent. It's such an individual thing. I believe that we each bring our whole selves to the task...and since none of us is perfect, we all fuck up in different ways, all learn different things. I don't mean that as an excuse for not doing better, just more as an observation. I can't think of anything else that's as all-encompassing. I think for some people, SO partnerships can fulfill that role, or work, or other things--but while my career defined me for at least seven years, I was able to let that go. At some point I stopped thinking of myself as a teacher. But I don't know that I'll ever be able to stop thinking of myself as a parent. It's just a different level of engagement.
Anyway, I want to read so many books... Right now I'm working on the mantra book Laura sent me (thank you!) and Living in the Light, a book I borrowed from my friend Ross. Parenting-wise, I want to read the Siblings without Rivalry that
earthsister recommended, as well as Mindful Parenting by Jon Kabat-Zinn. That said, I have a whole stack of books on the 'to-read' list and should probably wait before purchasing more. :-)On the resolution front, I haven't done as well with writing since NaPoeWriMo ended. I took a couple of days off and now I'm trying to regroup a bit. The house looked amazing when Dave's parents were here, but it's started a slow decline and I need to get it back into shape, over the weekend if possible. I'm still working on mindful eating but exercise just hasn't been incorporated yet. So...yeah. I need to get back to a lot of the goals I set for myself, but not in a punishing or judgmental way, just in a loving this-would-be-good-for-me-&-the-family sort of way. I don't think the 'goddamn it why can't you just (fill in the blank) already' is a particularly healthy way to approach things...and yet there's a part of me that's quick to think/say it to myself. So I'm working on that. I want to be more compassionate (now, dammit! *giggle*) and yet it's a struggle, both with myself and with others. The better I get the more I see how much better I could be, which is hard.
So, yeah. I should go and get some housestuff done. It's a gray, cloudy day today, perfect for staying indoors and drinking a lot of hot tea (isn't every day, really?) but I want to work on the house too.
So...what's new with you? :-)
