receiving grace from friends
Oct. 19th, 2020 10:32 pmSo today was a really bad period day. I don't want to squick anyone, so I'll let you opt in to the details. ( Read more... )
So anyway, I ended up staying home and not going to the hospital to visit Dave because I was feeling so bad. I ordered the groceries (we're still having them delivered because of COVID) and made it to CVS to pick up some prescriptions. I wrote an email to Ellie's school. I picked up the kitchen a little and put the groceries away. That...was probably the extent of things I got done today.
I honestly spent a lot of time in a recliner listening to music today, with a heating pad on my lower abdomen. I was beating myself up over it, and talking to![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shaterri . He said, "Considering how your day started, I think you've done more than could be reasonably expected."
It struck me how much credit we extend to others that we just won't give to ourselves. At the time, I was thinking about my own reluctance to just give myself care. In a sense I did, because I didn't go to the hospital, but I spent some time feeling bad about that too. It's almost as if I have to feel bad to pay for not doing certain things. I'd like to be able to see myself the way thatshaterri sees me.
But now that I'm writing here, I think that maybe some people would be critical of me. I feel absurdly lucky to have the sort of friends who will give me the benefit of the doubt, even when I can't give it to myself.
While the goal might be to cut myself some slack in terms of my mental self-talk, I think what I want to do right this second is to let myself soak up the grace given to me byshaterri and by other people in my life, just really feel it and appreciate it. It's not inevitable; it's a true gift, and I want to recognize that.
I'm absurdly lucky to have the friends I do.
So anyway, I ended up staying home and not going to the hospital to visit Dave because I was feeling so bad. I ordered the groceries (we're still having them delivered because of COVID) and made it to CVS to pick up some prescriptions. I wrote an email to Ellie's school. I picked up the kitchen a little and put the groceries away. That...was probably the extent of things I got done today.
I honestly spent a lot of time in a recliner listening to music today, with a heating pad on my lower abdomen. I was beating myself up over it, and talking to
shaterri . He said, "Considering how your day started, I think you've done more than could be reasonably expected."It struck me how much credit we extend to others that we just won't give to ourselves. At the time, I was thinking about my own reluctance to just give myself care. In a sense I did, because I didn't go to the hospital, but I spent some time feeling bad about that too. It's almost as if I have to feel bad to pay for not doing certain things. I'd like to be able to see myself the way that
shaterri sees me.But now that I'm writing here, I think that maybe some people would be critical of me. I feel absurdly lucky to have the sort of friends who will give me the benefit of the doubt, even when I can't give it to myself.
While the goal might be to cut myself some slack in terms of my mental self-talk, I think what I want to do right this second is to let myself soak up the grace given to me by
shaterri and by other people in my life, just really feel it and appreciate it. It's not inevitable; it's a true gift, and I want to recognize that. I'm absurdly lucky to have the friends I do.