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Lately I find myself getting into several conversations about gender.
It's interesting. As a regular person, I tend to think of gender as a societal construct, or at least be very comfortable with that idea. As a mom, I've heard too many stories of moms who bought trucks for their girl, only to have them languor on the shelf while she begged for a Barbie. And my son mostly used his dolls as missles against invisible bad guys.
My five-year-old is practically a card-carrying member of the NRA, and my two-year-old girl loves feeding us all and playing with baby dolls and little Fisher-Price people. Still, the five-year-old also loves to wear earrings and pretty dresses (though he doesn't advertise this fact, or do it as much as he used to). And the two-year-old is always trying to start fights with her big brother, punching and kicking.
Maybe gender has to do with what we recognize. Maybe I'm more likely to affirm, even subconsciously, certain behaviors in each child that I ignore in the other. Maybe TV is the culprit, where every car commercial shows a group of only boys and every doll commercial shows only girls. Maybe it's my child's older friends, who have already started with the, "that's a girl thing. You like a girl thing. Boys aren't supposed to like X."
And then there's the question of how much deviation from the norm is good for them. If I continue letting my 5-year-old think that wearing nail polish is perfectly reasonable, what's going to happen when he tries to wear it to his kindergarten class on the first day of school?
Not that it would happen, or at least, not more than once. I don't know if all kids are this way or not, but mine seem remarkably good at picking up on nonverbal cues that say what's 'okay' or 'not okay' in any given environment.
Anyway, I've been thinking about this on a personal level, not just with my kids but with myself. What is my true gender identity? If you're curious, feel free to ( Read more... )
It's interesting. As a regular person, I tend to think of gender as a societal construct, or at least be very comfortable with that idea. As a mom, I've heard too many stories of moms who bought trucks for their girl, only to have them languor on the shelf while she begged for a Barbie. And my son mostly used his dolls as missles against invisible bad guys.
My five-year-old is practically a card-carrying member of the NRA, and my two-year-old girl loves feeding us all and playing with baby dolls and little Fisher-Price people. Still, the five-year-old also loves to wear earrings and pretty dresses (though he doesn't advertise this fact, or do it as much as he used to). And the two-year-old is always trying to start fights with her big brother, punching and kicking.
Maybe gender has to do with what we recognize. Maybe I'm more likely to affirm, even subconsciously, certain behaviors in each child that I ignore in the other. Maybe TV is the culprit, where every car commercial shows a group of only boys and every doll commercial shows only girls. Maybe it's my child's older friends, who have already started with the, "that's a girl thing. You like a girl thing. Boys aren't supposed to like X."
And then there's the question of how much deviation from the norm is good for them. If I continue letting my 5-year-old think that wearing nail polish is perfectly reasonable, what's going to happen when he tries to wear it to his kindergarten class on the first day of school?
Not that it would happen, or at least, not more than once. I don't know if all kids are this way or not, but mine seem remarkably good at picking up on nonverbal cues that say what's 'okay' or 'not okay' in any given environment.
Anyway, I've been thinking about this on a personal level, not just with my kids but with myself. What is my true gender identity? If you're curious, feel free to ( Read more... )