(no subject)

I'm in a low place today.

Lots of stuff has just been hard, both for me and people around me...and at the same time, I've been trying to decrease my meds. When I'm on the dosage I'm on, I feel really spacy, and I have trouble keeping track of everything. When I drop the dosage, I get teary and filled with self-loathing.

Right now, I hate my brain chemistry.

My word for 2008 is gentleness. Right now, I'm having trouble being gentle with anyone. Least of all myself.

I want to reach out and I don't know how to reach out or who to reach out to. Dave's dealing with a lot of his own stress. The kids just need me - I don't mind, I like being their mom - but right now I just wish I could curl up against a warm body and be comforted. There's really no one who can do that for me, despite living in a house of people, one of whom is married to me. And that's okay.

Man, I'm really feeling sorry for myself today.

eta: I was feeling really better, so much so I was forgetting to take the Zoloft. That made me think maybe I didn't need it, or at least, that I didn't need such a high dose. So that's why I started trying to taper down. And it would have worked, too, if it weren't for those meddling......oh, never mind. :-)