more processing

[falcongrrl]

It felt as if something really precious were handed to me, just barely. I touched it with one fingertip before it was snatched away by time and circumstance. And then, I was hanging in, I was getting into the groove of daily life - and it felt like fate stepped in and said, 'Not only do you not have this, right now...You won't ever have it again. So I hope it was fun.'

But Fate, the universe, goddess...isn't saying that. It's me telling myself that. And this 'real life' of mine...is filled with immeasurable beauty, even if I'm not always capable of perceiving it.

Because there's the simple fact that it's also filled with work. Lots and lots of work. And on some fundamental level, I really like being lazy. ^ - . - ^

It's nice to be pampered and petted...so nice there really aren't words to describe it, and it's so rare in this life I have here...but I can't overlook these other sorts of blessings while I'm yearning for it. I'm 35, which is old enough to be a grownup, most of the time.

Still - I can't help but want to peer into the box drawn for me once upon a time, to see the imaginary creature emerge from the depths of my mind...and whether it's beautiful or horrible depends upon me, somehow, what it is that I'm willing and able to see, to understand.

Comments

[gleefulfreak.livejournal.com]

But Fate, the universe, goddess...isn't saying that. It's me telling myself that.

BINGO. This is a really good and important insight.

I think that you are doing some good work here. *hugs*

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's slow going, but I do hope so.

[cobaltie.livejournal.com]

In a similarly cryptic way I think I'm resonating with a lot of what you're saying here. And have been for a while. Sounds like it might even be related to what we talked about the one time we met. :-}

We might be able to inspire each other, sometimes. So, yeah...good luck with your endeavors, whatever they actually are.