(no subject)

[falcongrrl]

I've really been enjoying reading Christine Kane's blog - she's a musician who makes a living at her art, which is pretty cool, and she just generally practices positive thinking. I'm not convinced that positive intent = positive results...but at the same time, what does it hurt?

Anyway, in this entry, she writes, "Before thinking about what you want to do or what you want to have, ask yourself who you want to be." The idea is that it doesn't matter what you do if you're not the person you want to be while you're doing it. On some level this makes sense to me, even though I'm not sure if it's a chicken/egg thing (Does doing something you want to do contribute to happiness, or does being happy contribute to knowing what you want to do?). Anyway, it didn't seem like it'd hurt anything to give it a try.

Christine goes on to describe her own ideas in doing this:

"I chose to be 1] inspiring (because it was the inspiring people who had gotten me to change my life), 2] encouraging (because so few people in my life had been genuinely encouraging to me that every time I was with someone who said, “Of course you can do this!” without fear or warnings, I would just bask in their belief), and 3] healing (because the best reason to do anything is to serve other people, even if it’s when I’m on stage telling a story about my travels and people are laughing. Healing has many faces. I want to be one of them)."

She gives ideas for how to keep this self-portrait of sorts in mind at all times.

So...I thought about this, and these are the qualities that I came up with and why.

comfortable - I'm happiest when I'm wearing loose clothes, barefoot, and around people who will accept me for who I am. I want to be 'bien dans ma peau' on so many different levels.

authentic - This is similar, but surprisingly difficult. I never know when to tell a truth that contradicts with what other people want to believe about me. And since my beliefs never feel quite that strong, sometimes I end up chameleon-like, 'becoming' someone else's idea of who I should be at any given time. I don't know that a little of this is bad...but a lot of it is. I want to be able to speak my truth calmly, to be who I am, without apology.

compassionate - I really want to act from a place of caring and love, with everything I do. I want to be strong, but with a gentle strength, acting from honor and respect for each being.

joyous - This comes from the battles with depression. I want to have a zest for life, to search for the beautiful things and keep them in mind at all times. I don't mean happy, exactly. Happy is conditional. I mean more of a state inside, a core, that keeps bubbling up and out. Something that giggles and dances and plays.

relaxed - And, well, this comes from the issues with anxiety. So many times I twist myself up in knots over...well, everything. I want to relax, physically as well as mentally. I think that if I'm calm and relaxed, I can accomplish more.

What will I accomplish? This is the next question, maybe. :-)

For now, I'm curious...what would your list look like? Who do you want to be, and why?

Comments

[virtualcourtney.livejournal.com]

That's my list, too--and I couldn't sum up what you had to say about authentic any better!

For me, I'd add "courageous" (because I don't want to spend my life hiding from things that scare me, which is the sum total of everything) and "assertive" (so that I can let the world know I'm here, with my own personal teleology, and that I'm going to go after what I want).

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

I like your additions. It's funny - I think so highly of you, that the fact that our lists are similar makes me feel good by proxy. It feels like we're both on similar journeys somehow, as different as we are.

[virtualcourtney.livejournal.com]

I was pleased that every item on your list resonated with things I've been thinking about lately, too. I do feel like we are looking for the same things. :)

[cobaltie.livejournal.com]

I agree with that quote a lot...there's a lot I haven't done though I want to, partly because I'm still trying to pin down who I want to be.

I'll have to give this some thought. :-}

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

Cool. On both counts. :-)

[jenny_evergreen]

I agree with her; that's a lot like what I've done; gotten to myself first, and then built my life around that. If you build a life without knowing and being yourself, it's quite likely to not be the life you need.

I am honest. I am nurturing. I am at peace. I am free.

Those are probably the cornerstones; most everything else comes from those. I'm still working on fully engaging the last one, but I've come a long way. The only one that's easy for me is the nurturing. (Everyone likes to be nurtured, and it's easy for me to do. I learned a long time ago where to draw the line so that I don't burn out.)

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

If you build a life without knowing and being yourself, it's quite likely to not be the life you need.

Yes.

This strikes me as quite profound - thank you! :-)

It's funny, I think I have a lot of trouble with both the nurturing and the free parts on your lists, figuring out how to incorporate both into my life in a way that feels right.

[jenny_evergreen]

Thanks! I do so try to be profound. :)
I hope you find a way.

[momentrabbit.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I really like the authenticity aspect you mentioned - I used to be more shifterlike, these days I'm more often myself. If I had to chose any, offhand, I'd go for two areas I feel I need improvement in: I'd like to be more 'Patient' - not imperturbable, but a longer fuse would be nice. And 'Forgiving' - I still carry some old pains, and frankly, the person that hurts most is me.

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I think letting go, forgiveness, is definitely important - but sometimes it just has to happen in its own time. I wish you that peace.

My list

[rowyn]

Loving (very similar to your compassionate)
Honest
Content
Calm (similar to your relaxed, except that my problem is more with temper and impatience than with anxiety)

Oddly, I don't find myself striving for "joyous" or even "happiness" so much as contentment. I am very happy on occassions, often rather random, no-particular-reason-just-happy occassions. And I wouldn't object to feeling that way all the time. But when I think of the person I want to be, she's more content than vibrantly happy. Not sure why that is.

Re: My list

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

I think we're close to the same idea on the content/joyous front, in that my joy - like your contentment - would ideally be more of an inner state revealed than a transitory emotion.

I like who you are. ♥

Thank you!

[rowyn]

And in case you couldn't tell, I like who you are, too. <3