(no subject)
Sep. 28th, 2007 08:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
falcongrrlWell, I'm sick, and as of today I have full laryngitis. No voice at all.
In the past, when I've had this, it's been almost psychosomatic, a symptom that I need to speak the truth to someone about something that's bothering me.
Today I've been turning things over in my mind. Are there things I haven't told people? Yes. But after reflection, I don't think I need to either. I feel like I'm being as honest and forthright as I need to be right now.
Then...we had Shabbat dinner. It was amazing. I'm so used to talking and singing. In the absence of my voice, Daniel read. Dave sang. And I...was more present somehow for all of them. By listening and not being able to speak, I was somehow able to take in so much more of their beauty.
"I love you guys," I mouth-whispered. "I'm glad you're my family." Dave grinned. "You think we're crazy, don't you?" Oh, but I don't. I think you're beautiful.
All of them talking and singing and all of us just being together. I feel overwhelmed for love for them tonight.
My son is eight years old. I had lunch with him this past Tuesday at his school, in celebration. We sat and chatted and laughed. It was amazingly fun and grownup.
Maybe instead of needing to speak the truth, the lesson has become to stop and listen, to take everything in. When I stop talking, they all have room to speak...and I truly like what they have to say.
In the past, when I've had this, it's been almost psychosomatic, a symptom that I need to speak the truth to someone about something that's bothering me.
Today I've been turning things over in my mind. Are there things I haven't told people? Yes. But after reflection, I don't think I need to either. I feel like I'm being as honest and forthright as I need to be right now.
Then...we had Shabbat dinner. It was amazing. I'm so used to talking and singing. In the absence of my voice, Daniel read. Dave sang. And I...was more present somehow for all of them. By listening and not being able to speak, I was somehow able to take in so much more of their beauty.
"I love you guys," I mouth-whispered. "I'm glad you're my family." Dave grinned. "You think we're crazy, don't you?" Oh, but I don't. I think you're beautiful.
All of them talking and singing and all of us just being together. I feel overwhelmed for love for them tonight.
My son is eight years old. I had lunch with him this past Tuesday at his school, in celebration. We sat and chatted and laughed. It was amazingly fun and grownup.
Maybe instead of needing to speak the truth, the lesson has become to stop and listen, to take everything in. When I stop talking, they all have room to speak...and I truly like what they have to say.
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-09-29 04:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-09-30 12:48 am (UTC)Still, it sounds like you've really found the good side of this!
Best wishes,
Bard
(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-01 01:27 pm (UTC)Happy silence!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-01 01:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-01 02:00 pm (UTC)