three conversations with a five-year-old
Nov. 21st, 2004 06:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
falcongrrlI swear, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried...
Conversation 1:
fyo: Did you know, Mommy, that when you're happy you can say you're 'up'?
Peregrine: Yes, and if you're sad, you can say you're feeling 'down.'
fyo: Yeah! And when you're mad, you can say you're 'straight'.
Peregrine: Um, no, that's not right.
fyo: Yes it is! Because when you're mad, you look straight into the person's eyes. So that means you're straight.
Peregrine: No, honey. That does make sense. But straight actually means that, you know, when you get married? It means you'd like to marry girls and not boys.
fyo: (thinking) Oh, okay. So boys who want to marry boys, and not girls, are called curved.
Peregrine: (considering options) Yes.
Conversation 2, several hours later:
fyo: Mommy, when I get married, I'm going to marry someone prettier than you.
Peregrine: I'm sure you will. I'm sure you'll marry someone beautiful. *tousles his hair*
fyo: I want to marry someone with clothes that sparkle.
Peregrine: Cool.
fyo: We might even find love. The lady will be my wife, and I'll be her husband. Just like you, Mommy. Did you know that Daddy is your husband?
Peregrine: Yes.
fyo: We might even have babies together. The babies are gonna be my daughter. Did you hear me, Mommy? I said the babies are gonna be my daughter. But (pauses, considering), I think maybe I'm only going to have five babies.
Peregrine: That's a lot of babies.
fyo: Well, it's not too many. See! (holds up hand, wiggles each finger in turn.)
One...two...three...four...five.
Peregrine: I have one...two. (wiggles each finger in turn)
fyo: Mommy, you don't have two fingers!
Peregrine: *shakes head* Not two fingers, two babies.
fyo: Hey, Mommy! What if you had five babies?!
Peregrine: That would be way too many.
fyo: What if you had one hundred two thousand seventy babies?
Peregrine: What do you think?
fyo: What if you had all those babies in your stomach at one time?
Peregrine: I would explode.
Conversation 3:
fyo: *while trying to untie the Batman cape he's wearing from the oven handle he's just attached it to*
I hate this stupid focking knot!
Peregrine: (reflexively) Don't use words like that. It's not nice language.
fyo: But Mommy...you say focking sometimes.
Peregrine: (primly) I know, hon. Sometimes I say that word around you, or your sister, or Daddy, sometimes if I'm feeling really frustrated. (pauses, thinking) But I don't say it around Oma or Grandma, or the other mommies at preschool. And I really shouldn't say it around you. It's not a nice word.
fyo: (inspired) Hey, Mommy?! You know what you can say instead of 'Jesus focking hell'?
Peregrine: (trying not to laugh) What?
fyo: (triumphant) Cheese Piss Cocking Shell!!!
Peregrine: (shaking with withheld laughter, tears streaming down her face).
Ah, well...I wasn't really expecting to receive that Mother-of-the-Year award anyway.
A+
Conversation 1:
fyo: Did you know, Mommy, that when you're happy you can say you're 'up'?
Peregrine: Yes, and if you're sad, you can say you're feeling 'down.'
fyo: Yeah! And when you're mad, you can say you're 'straight'.
Peregrine: Um, no, that's not right.
fyo: Yes it is! Because when you're mad, you look straight into the person's eyes. So that means you're straight.
Peregrine: No, honey. That does make sense. But straight actually means that, you know, when you get married? It means you'd like to marry girls and not boys.
fyo: (thinking) Oh, okay. So boys who want to marry boys, and not girls, are called curved.
Peregrine: (considering options) Yes.
Conversation 2, several hours later:
fyo: Mommy, when I get married, I'm going to marry someone prettier than you.
Peregrine: I'm sure you will. I'm sure you'll marry someone beautiful. *tousles his hair*
fyo: I want to marry someone with clothes that sparkle.
Peregrine: Cool.
fyo: We might even find love. The lady will be my wife, and I'll be her husband. Just like you, Mommy. Did you know that Daddy is your husband?
Peregrine: Yes.
fyo: We might even have babies together. The babies are gonna be my daughter. Did you hear me, Mommy? I said the babies are gonna be my daughter. But (pauses, considering), I think maybe I'm only going to have five babies.
Peregrine: That's a lot of babies.
fyo: Well, it's not too many. See! (holds up hand, wiggles each finger in turn.)
One...two...three...four...five.
Peregrine: I have one...two. (wiggles each finger in turn)
fyo: Mommy, you don't have two fingers!
Peregrine: *shakes head* Not two fingers, two babies.
fyo: Hey, Mommy! What if you had five babies?!
Peregrine: That would be way too many.
fyo: What if you had one hundred two thousand seventy babies?
Peregrine: What do you think?
fyo: What if you had all those babies in your stomach at one time?
Peregrine: I would explode.
Conversation 3:
fyo: *while trying to untie the Batman cape he's wearing from the oven handle he's just attached it to*
I hate this stupid focking knot!
Peregrine: (reflexively) Don't use words like that. It's not nice language.
fyo: But Mommy...you say focking sometimes.
Peregrine: (primly) I know, hon. Sometimes I say that word around you, or your sister, or Daddy, sometimes if I'm feeling really frustrated. (pauses, thinking) But I don't say it around Oma or Grandma, or the other mommies at preschool. And I really shouldn't say it around you. It's not a nice word.
fyo: (inspired) Hey, Mommy?! You know what you can say instead of 'Jesus focking hell'?
Peregrine: (trying not to laugh) What?
fyo: (triumphant) Cheese Piss Cocking Shell!!!
Peregrine: (shaking with withheld laughter, tears streaming down her face).
Ah, well...I wasn't really expecting to receive that Mother-of-the-Year award anyway.
A+
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-11-22 12:30 am (UTC)Sorry I never called...took me time. I *DO* wanna see you and get the kids together! You believe me, right? :)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-11-22 01:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-11-22 04:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-11-23 05:41 am (UTC)roflmao
Date: 2004-11-24 04:10 am (UTC)