whispers into the darkness

[falcongrrl]

I am so tired.

I don't know why I don't go to bed. I sort of feel like chatting. I like reaching out and knowing that there are other people there to reach back, mentally anyway, before I go to sleep. Everyone else in my house is already asleep, and it seems silly to wake them up so that I can fulfill some odd need for connection. Probably sillier to hang out online, feeling wistful.


The novel is up to 38,000 and change. I keep thinking once I hit 40,000 I will see the light at the end of the tunnel, but at the moment I just feel mired. I'm not really happy or unhappy with the way it's going right now, can't really think about it. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Anyway, those of you who wonder why I haven't called or written...that's probably why. It tends to consume most of my thoughts as well as my actual time.

People keep asking what it's about and I don't know what to tell them. Heh. I need soundbites.

If (when, dammit, when) I finish, it will be in part because of the regular real-life stuff that Dave is doing, like watching the kids over the weekend so I have a block of time to do stuff like actually write or do research like watching real time RPGs, heh. But it will be in an even larger part because of tuftears who's been amazingly constant about reading and giving feedback. This isn't to slight anyone else...pretty much all of you have offered support in various ways, and I'm incredibly appreciative. But Lynx-kytty has definitely gone above and beyond the call.

It's sort of like that thing with Theo buying all of Vincent's paintings, maybe. If you have even one person who believes in you, it's somehow easier to believe in yourself.

Old online friend just logged on and off; we chatted briefly. It was good because he had been off the radar for a while. I always worry when online friends disappear. I know that it happens, doesn't really mean anything sinister, but it's still kind of a relief all the same to know...oh, good...you're alive...things are okay...just busy.

I think I'm online too much. In many ways it's easier.

I like this song I'm listening to. I'm getting it from a website, but can't download it. I need to buy the CD, maybe. It relaxes me. I want to just listen to it over and over again while I fall asleep.

It would be good to feel like I could reach deep within me and pull something out, get it onto the page. Maybe that's what's the matter with my novel; it's not going deep enough. Doesn't matter. This year is to do it, next year maybe it'll be smoother, better. If not, that's okay too. Experience is all.

I love the way you dream...

Wish I were having whispered conversations under the covers with you. ;-)

'Night all.
A+

Comments

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

*purrrs cheerfully at Peregrine* First novel is the hardest, after that you know it can be done!

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

*nods* Yes, that makes sense.

Have you written any novels? Did you tell me and lack of sleep has made me forgetful?

Thanks so much for reading along. :-)

C.

[tuftears.livejournal.com]

Nope, I am a slacker! *purrrs*

[eloiseaparis.livejournal.com]

you've written more than me. i have little chance of making the deadline .. have you been reading?

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

I haven't. But come December, consider it read! :-D I liked the first part quite a bit. :-)

[eloiseaparis.livejournal.com]

i doubt i'll make the nano deadline, but i think what i have is much bigger than nano. i'm thinking big. when i'm done i'll go back and do a little editing, so you'll have to send me your email address so i can send you the full monty.

[ladymerri.livejournal.com]

Wish I had been online to chat, sweetie...I've been so tired and so blah. We really need to get ourselves out. Girl time. Need it.

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :-D And yes, girl time sounds divine!! :-) Any chance we could find time in December? *grin*

[ladymerri.livejournal.com]

I should hope so. I was gonna ask about this Thursday/Friday, then went Duh! Holiday! See, I don't even remember national holidays at this point. It's bad.

Hmmm, my birthday is the 12th...maybe we could hit Southern on the 11th??

Southern birthdays

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

Yeah! Mine's the 4th. Definitely party time! :-D

Re: Southern birthdays

[ladymerri.livejournal.com]

Yay for December b-days! :) Okay, so definitely a Saturday in December...I'll get back to ya. ;)

[traveller-blues.livejournal.com]

There's something terrifying about producing your first novel -- you think, 'will it be good enough?' And you follow the story around, not knowing where it's going to go, because you -have to write- -- and the story unfolds right in front of your nose. You're following your characters into situations you didn't think of in the beginning, and you wonder if it's the best thing you could have done.

If you're that close to breaking 40,000 -- you -can- finish, with time to spare.

As for me, second year, I grabbed out an ambitious endeavor, and I've got more than enough material to hit 60,000, now -- but the main plot complication hasn't even shown up yet, and I don't want to make the big part fizzle out because it's November 30th. That's my big dilemma, anyway.

-Traveller

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

*nods*

I too think that my work itself will go past the 50,000 mark (though hopefully not too much past). However, when I make it to 50,000, I'm going to say 'to be continued' or whatever, and turn it in and consider it a win as far as nanowrimo is concerned.

Thanks so much for your support, Traveller. And look me up on FM if you're ever on there...my nic is Peregrine, and I'm frequently in the Spiral.

C.