two epiphanies of a sort

[falcongrrl]

Some of this is no doubt influenced by my 12-stepping friends.

1. I can't make anyone happy. People always say this blithely, but I find it really hard to live as if it's true. But I'm realizing that I've got to for my own sanity's sake.

I think that a lot of happiness is being open to life and the good parts of life. I struggle with this so much myself. All I know to do in the face of the personal struggle is both to persistently fight against despair and - paradoxically enough - to surrender myself to something larger. I'm not surrendering to despair, but to the belief that there is more. I know not everyone on my fl will share this belief; I'm just writing from my own perspective. But the idea of Benevolence, of Divinity...that's the idea to which I surrender.

So, when I'm suffering, when people are suffering...I can pray, and I can try to open my own heart to suffering, to love, to compassion. That's it. I can't 'make it go away,' not for me and not for them either, no matter how much I'd like to.

2. When I'm feeling judgmental, it's a reflection of not taking care of myself. I can't give away the love and tenderness I don't have. So in addition to prayer, I need to take time to relax, to breathe, to care for myself. It's not selfish; it's essential. When I don't do it, it's impossible for me to care for others.

These are pretty simple things, but they hit pretty forcefully today. I hope I can continue to remember them.

Comments

[gleefulfreak.livejournal.com]

These are good epiphanies. :)

[jakebe.livejournal.com]

The second epiphany really resonates with me, actually. I find that I'm always at my worst when I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, or insecure. It's really difficult to step outside of your own head when, for whatever reasons, your needs aren't being met. Maybe there is a truly selfless self somewhere deep inside all of us that can love and provide for others before our own considerations are made, but I'm not there yet. For now, I have to be sure that I'm rested and reasonably happy.

I hope the application of these epiphanies makes things easier for you! :)

-J

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and I think this time of year can make things especially difficult - we pile on shopping in crowded stores and additional social obligations and baking and charity work and holiday crafts, and then tell ourselves we're supposed to be nice and cheery and happy and full of goodwill, and now, dammit!

Or, umm, maybe that's just me. :-D

The thing about parenting, is that I am in a situation where there are times when I'm exhausted and still just have to keep going and find the internal reserves for that. That's what I signed on for. What I think the epiphany is about is that realizing that when I get snappy and judgmental and just fed up...it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm a bitchy person. It just means I'm tired and in need of some self-care. :-)

[dadi.livejournal.com]

Great stuff!!!!

[monkeyman.livejournal.com]

:)

[rowyn]

I can't make anyone happy.

Yeah. I don't think I properly grok that, either.

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I guess what I'm realizing is that there are times when trying will drive me insane. I don't mean to say that showing kindness toward our loved ones is somehow a bad thing, just that expecting to be able to fix the problems, for me personally, leads to a chasing-my-tail sort of insanity.