(no subject)

[falcongrrl]

Amen.

(link courtesy of parenthacks.)

Comments

[gleefulfreak.livejournal.com]

That's awesome.

[jenny_evergreen]

The problem, as I see it, is that there is a grain of truth...there ARE kids (I've personally met them) who end up diagnosed with ADHD or put on autism spectrum who really shouldn't be. Not because everyone isn't doing their very best and hasn't tried (at least nominally) everything they can morally stand to try, but because THERE IS NO EDUCATION FOR PARENTING. We barely manage to teach parents the most basic information (every baby has an umbilical stub; how many people know before they've had one exactly how to handle it?), let alone properly teaching them deceptively simple/really quite complex discipline techniques.
I know what I'm doing; I spent my entire life observing parents and children and preparing myself for motherhood, because it was my calling. I'm also naturally analytical, creatve, very smart, and well educated. I also gave birth to a child of naturally agreeable temperament...and all of these things play a huge part in why I've been very successful at parenting so far. I am in a very tiny minority. My husband, who is very determined to be a good parent and is perfectly intelligent and fairly well educated, struggles, is more like most parents, and I watch him struggle and fail and if he didn't have me here able to teach him down to the minutest detail, he would definitely have a LOT more problems...even though he was following the directions he'd been given and was trying his best.
I know, with all the conflicting parenting beliefs, it would be very difficult, but we really, really need serious, THOROUGH parenting education for everyone who has a child...and, in time, that grain of truth would melt away.
Oops. Sorry about that soapbox. *scooches it aside and goes to take care of the previously mentioned child* :P

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

I admire your confidence in your own parenting skills. I don't really grok it, though, because I've never had that sense of certainty around parenting...and I don't think that any amount of education would give that to me. I think a huge part of parenting is like any relationship - it's two personalities, intellects, souls coming together...and that coming together can be gentle, or explosive, or any number of things.

That said, agreed that doing one's best and one's homework is always good, particularly with parenting.

[jenny_evergreen]

*nod* I wouldn't have had this kind of confidence if my life had gone differently. I think had you gone in with a real, practical, thorough education, you possibly would have had a similar level of confidence, but, of course, no way to really know.
One of the cardinal rules of parenting (imo) is adaptability, because, as you say, every child and parent and every child/parent relationship is unique.

(nods)

[tahkhleet.livejournal.com]

Another way of putting it is that yes, there are many threats, nurture and natural rooted alike, that push at a child trying to warp them into various chronically unhappy or maladapted states. But a good parent isn't the one who sees every single threat and forecloses it (though being aware of the big obvious ones and some vigilance is important). The good parent is the one who gives their kids the tools and resources and habits to fight these things. The kid is not just a passive participant in their own life. You teach them to want to be well, and insofar as their brains will let them, I think they can be. (Though it is heartbreaking seeing the hard limits neurology imposes at times, I'm sure.)

We are in a very risk averse culture and alas because our lives are so safe people are used to the idea that security and safety is an innate right, not an achievement. The believe everything is in their control. This is very wrong headed. Really, very little is in our direct control. But that makes being in control of it important. And it makes not struggling to control things you have no affect on even more important, because the energy is badly needed on the things you can change.

I've seen plenty of bad parents, but I admit, most are neither spectacularly good nor bad. Still, it would be better off if as Jenny says people would address this by education. But then our education system totally alienates people from learning, too. (laughs wryly)

[toob.livejournal.com]

Man, furries are some of the worst people I've met for this sort of thing, too.

Absolutely no tolerance or understanding at all in many of them.

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

Yeah. No comment. ;-) However, I do feel like I'm lucky to be surrounded by supportive friends, many of whom are childfree and/or furry.