bellydancing and bike riding

[falcongrrl]

Last night I went out with Ellie to celebrate moonwolf's birthday at a Greek restaurant. Ellie ended up dancing by herself with a belly dancer, copying each movement and gesture to the best of her ability, while everyone clapped and cheered her on. moonwolf's dad tossed money over her head (the way the dancers are traditionally celebrated for good dancing at that restaurant.) It's the kind of thing that could seem creepy, I guess, but it wasn't at all...it was a way of saying, "Look at you! You rock!" And she did, charming everyone at the table not just with her dancing but with her overall demeanor (not that I'm biased at all, heh). She's amazing.

And Ellie got me onto the dance floor. Normally I hate dancing in front of people, because I'm objectively not a good dancer...but Ellie really wanted to. I couldn't teach her that dancing is only something for those with talent, couldn't deny her her own exuberant movement. She really wanted to dance, so much, but she wanted her mama there with her too because there were Other People there (apparently the belly dancer didn't feel like a stranger). So I joined a line (circle?) dance, and it wasn't that bad, and when Ellie was resistant to learning it, I celebrated her doing her own thing.

I often see the hard parts about being a parent, when there are so many beautiful parts too.

Ellie defaults to happy, to yes...Daniel defaults to hesitation and to no. He's not scared of anything, but he's perfectly willing to resist if he thinks he should. Each approach has its own pitfalls. I worry less about peer pressure with Daniel; I worry less about Ellie beating up on herself for imagined errors.

Daniel and I rode our bikes to McDonald's* this evening for dinner as his fun outing with mom this weekend (and managed to make it home before dark, too.) He's great to ride bikes with - fast, but he will slow down and wait for me without prompting, and he knows to watch for cars. We used our new bike cable to lock up our bikes before going inside, and when we got back out, Daniel got really frustrated trying to open the combination lock. He'd been practicing all afternoon. Finally, with a bit of coaching, he did it himself.

"You did it!"

"Yeah, but I didn't do it perfectly."

"What do you mean, you didn't do it perfectly? The lock opened, didn't it?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't the first time. It was like the fifth or something."

"Yeah, but you got it open. As long as you get the lock open, that's the important thing."

"Yeah, but I'm gonna have lockers! And have to do this every day!"

"In...ninth grade? Six years from now? Umm...you have six years to practice, buddy. I think you're okay."

"I still should have gotten it the first time."

"Hon, listen. You're just telling yourself that. It's not true. Why do you want to tell yourself something that makes you feel bad that's not even true?"

I do it too. And we both need to stop.

We got catcalls from some guys in an SUV on the way home. At first I thought, oh, this is the drive-by stuff I've heard people talk about on fat acceptance blogs; now I know what that is like firsthand...but then they yowled at Daniel too (who was a bit ahead of me). Daniel. My eight-year-old, blue belt in tae kwon do, who climbs to terrifying heights and flies on his bike and takes the puppy for runs and...who, truth be told, is a little stocky. Though I'm still not sure if that's why they yelled at us. Why they yelled at us.

"Assholes," I mouthed to Daniel without thinking about it, when he looked back at me. I meant it as a descriptor. There's the crosswalk, there's a motorcycle, and those guys hanging out of that truck yelling at you? Those are the assholes. After they passed, he waited for me and said, "Mom, what was that you said to me, but not out loud, with your mouth? Ah-something?" So I had to tell him, out loud, even though likely I lost mother-of-the-year for saying it in the first place. And then he started giggling and so did I. And the annoyance, the fear, dissipated. Mostly.

I want to take more time with each of them. I really, really like them as people. Well, this day, this minute. :-) But it's good to remember times like this during the other, more chaos-filled moments.


*One thing that totally cracked me up...apparently as part of a marketing strategy, McDonald's prints on some of their paper cups, "We're as picky with what we buy as you are." I thought, "Dude. I'm eating food from McDonald's. How picky could I possibly be?" And then I wondered if that was the point, kind of. False reassurance?

Comments

Yeah,

[animakitty.livejournal.com]

Those combination locks are a pain. I never was great at getting them open on the first try. I picked up a lock at a SCA-catering store that would look at home in King Richard's dungeon, and used that on my gym locker in college. Of course that meant sticking the cold iron key in my sock while I worked out. >,< I'm sure Daniel will be a pro opening those things in a few weeks.

Re: Yeah,

[varjohaltia.livejournal.com]

Man, I wish I could've come to the party.
As to the combination locks, we never had that kind where I grew up. There were combination locks, but not the school locker kind. I was given a combination to one when I got my gym membership at my university here, and I had to get someone to explain to me all the intricacies of which direction first, having to cross / not cross the point of origin etc.

Re: Yeah,

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was hoping you'd be there and we could catch up a bit. Maybe next year, or when chipotle is in town for the holidays? :-)

Re: Yeah,

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

I tend to think the ones with the keys are safer, honestly. :-) But I'm sure he'll get the hang on it soon - mostly what I hope is that he'll learn to cut himself some slack. I'm getting there, but it's taken a long time.

[rowyn]

So I had to tell him, out loud, even though likely I lost mother-of-the-year for saying it in the first place.

Bwahahahaha! I am proud of you for telling him out loud when he asked. Maybe saying it in the first place wasn't the mother-of-the-year thing to do, but being truthful with your kids definitely is.

Also, it's funny. And, I mean ... they were assholes.

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

I feel like that too about being honest with my kids, though I have to be careful with other people's kids. I also try to give them the bare minimum, not more than they were really asking for. :-)

[birdbard.livejournal.com]

I love listening to your observations about your kids. I sit here, so many miles away, and I just think "Wow, she's such an incredible person, such an amazing Mom!" Your insight is wonderful, your caring so deep, and the way you articulate your love for Daniel and Ellie just warms my heart to no end.

*hugs*

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoy reading. *hugs back* Your words warm my heart as well.

[playfuleye.livejournal.com]

You remind me of my mother in all the best ways. I'm sure if she had a blog when she was raising me, she'd have also wanted to share stories like this.

I'm so glad you and Ellie had fun at the Olympia. She has a knack for dance, and followed the dancer very well! I was impressed.

It's fun to watch her grow into a fuller person, develop more of a personality and add more experiences to her mind. Daniel, too! It will be nice to get to know them, in person, and through your writings. :)