the bitch is back
Jan. 4th, 2005 09:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
falcongrrlSo, I went to the doctor, and he put me on a new antibiotic and a corticosteroid for bacterial bronchitis. I'm still not convinced it's bacterial & wish there were a way they could check or something. But he's the one who's been to med school, so I decided to take them.
(It's a slight concern because I can't find info on the antibiotic as it relates to nursing, but antibiotics in general are okay. And Ellie is 2+ years old now, so I really think the tiny amount that goes into her system won't affect her. I hope so anyway. And prednisone is considered okay for nursing, esp short-term, at least by the American Academy of Pediatrics.)
But the bigger issue is that he put me on a fairly large dose of prednisone, 40 mg for five days. This is good in the sense that I am breathing much better already.
But last time they gave me a prednisone pack (which is a lower dose than I'm on this time), and it really affected me.
I got mean.
I was in a health food store recently, picking up some tea tree ointment for cuts and whatnot, and there was a guy in front of me buying some form of testosterone that they offered there. The man behind the counter was telling him how well it worked in terms of developing muscles, how good his chest would look, etc...
Inside I eeped, thinking, that can't be good.
Then the guy behind the counter offered this caveat. "It may make you angrier. A guy might do something that pisses you off and you want to fight him. But it's not him, and it's not you. It's this." And he pointed to the little bottle on the counter in front of him.
That's pretty much how I feel on corticosteroids.
The good thing is that by and large they don't affect my judgment. The other good thing is that I'm (mostly) an introvert, so I tend to think before I speak or type, running the words through my head first to see how they sound. That's what's kind of funny about my habitual slip-ups with something snarky or tmi. The comments have already gone through my internal sensors (albeit quickly) and passed.
But on steroids, I find myself thinking tons of stuff that I normally wouldn't, and that I certainly don't say. It's really quite good that I don't say them, too. I find myself thinking the F word or various B words quite a bit. I find myself telling people off in my head a lot.
But the good thing is that I haven't actually said the bad things. Yet.
I have five days to be on these things. Five days of blissfully clear breathing, once they really kick in. (Already my wheezing is much better.)
But it's also five days of biting my tongue. Of wondering how it is that a few milligrams of something that can be so good for me in one way can be so...weird...and potentially alienating in another.
Still, it's kind of informative. It kind of makes me glad that I really, honestly, don't have very many 'mean' thoughts the majority of the time, at least not towards others. And it makes me want to write these thoughts down (not in here, mind you, because I'd fear what you'd think), so that I can look back upon them later and marvel, either at how fearless/straightforward or how insane my thinking was.
It's not that bad. I won't hit anyone, certainly no minors. I won't go down to the nearest bar and start a brawl.
But Claire is here, and will be for the next few days.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
A+
(It's a slight concern because I can't find info on the antibiotic as it relates to nursing, but antibiotics in general are okay. And Ellie is 2+ years old now, so I really think the tiny amount that goes into her system won't affect her. I hope so anyway. And prednisone is considered okay for nursing, esp short-term, at least by the American Academy of Pediatrics.)
But the bigger issue is that he put me on a fairly large dose of prednisone, 40 mg for five days. This is good in the sense that I am breathing much better already.
But last time they gave me a prednisone pack (which is a lower dose than I'm on this time), and it really affected me.
I got mean.
I was in a health food store recently, picking up some tea tree ointment for cuts and whatnot, and there was a guy in front of me buying some form of testosterone that they offered there. The man behind the counter was telling him how well it worked in terms of developing muscles, how good his chest would look, etc...
Inside I eeped, thinking, that can't be good.
Then the guy behind the counter offered this caveat. "It may make you angrier. A guy might do something that pisses you off and you want to fight him. But it's not him, and it's not you. It's this." And he pointed to the little bottle on the counter in front of him.
That's pretty much how I feel on corticosteroids.
The good thing is that by and large they don't affect my judgment. The other good thing is that I'm (mostly) an introvert, so I tend to think before I speak or type, running the words through my head first to see how they sound. That's what's kind of funny about my habitual slip-ups with something snarky or tmi. The comments have already gone through my internal sensors (albeit quickly) and passed.
But on steroids, I find myself thinking tons of stuff that I normally wouldn't, and that I certainly don't say. It's really quite good that I don't say them, too. I find myself thinking the F word or various B words quite a bit. I find myself telling people off in my head a lot.
But the good thing is that I haven't actually said the bad things. Yet.
I have five days to be on these things. Five days of blissfully clear breathing, once they really kick in. (Already my wheezing is much better.)
But it's also five days of biting my tongue. Of wondering how it is that a few milligrams of something that can be so good for me in one way can be so...weird...and potentially alienating in another.
Still, it's kind of informative. It kind of makes me glad that I really, honestly, don't have very many 'mean' thoughts the majority of the time, at least not towards others. And it makes me want to write these thoughts down (not in here, mind you, because I'd fear what you'd think), so that I can look back upon them later and marvel, either at how fearless/straightforward or how insane my thinking was.
It's not that bad. I won't hit anyone, certainly no minors. I won't go down to the nearest bar and start a brawl.
But Claire is here, and will be for the next few days.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
A+
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-05 10:38 pm (UTC)You may find it hard to imagine me being a mean ol' kitty, but that potential exists for everyone, really. Rawr!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-01-06 05:11 am (UTC)Actually, I've been feeling a lot better today. So maybe it's something to keep in mind, but not fret over too much. I think part of the key is eating regularly too--this stuff can affect appetite/blood sugar levels, and I think that part could also contribute to the irritability.
But...life is good, for the most part. I can breathe, which is great! :-)