(no subject)

[falcongrrl]

Dave's dad is still feeling the same shortness-of-breath symptoms after the catheterization/stent insertion, and so Dave is going to go down and spend the weekend with his parents.

I feel helpless, wondering if this is the endgame, and if so, how best to support everyone through it. I just don't know. All I can do is keep doing what I'm doing, taking care of the kids and the house as best I can.

It doesn't feel like much.

I'm afraid that these health issues with my father-in-law may affect my AC plans. That's...so selfish, so shitty that I hesitate to write it. But it is on my mind. I've been looking forward to this particular weekend in Philly for a long time--wanted to go ever since I heard about it, back in October.

But this other is bigger emotionally than that, so much that I can't really wrap my mind around it.

******

Daniel just said, "I want to be cool. Am I a cool kid?"

I said, "Well, yeah, you're a really cool kid. But the important thing is to just be yourself, not worry so much if that's cool or not."

Daniel said, "But if I were even cooler, everyone in the world would want me."

(yeah, he used the subjunctive. *grin*)

That's the part we all struggle with, isn't it? How to be even cooler so everyone, anyone, will want us. *wry grin*. I wish I were immune, but I'm not.

******

My last poll post was an attempt to figure out what to keep public and what to make private. My journal feels whiny and boring even to me lately, and I'm looking for ways to be more interesting, entertaining. *grins* Cooler. Okay, maybe I should just be myself...or maybe I should hide more things behind the 'Private' setting, or, at the very least, an lj cut. That's the part I just haven't figured out yet. What to hide, what to reveal. If it matters.

Comments

Part 1/2

[rancourt.livejournal.com]

"But if I were even cooler, everyone in the world would want me."

Mmm, indeed, Daniel. But there are two definitions of "cool." There's "cool," the mass-marketed, dictated, prepackaged kind of cool, and "cool," the nebulous, esoteric, impossible to define kind of cool. The second kind is the real cool -- think of it like a tall glass of your favorite juice. We'll call that "real cool." The first kind is more like...well, a glass of Kool-Aid flavored like your favorite juice. We'll call that "artificial cool."

Artificial cool was invented because real cool is really tricky to find, because -- well, there's no easy way to describe what it is, so it's hard to find, because no one knows how to tell you what to look for, to find it. Artificial cool is really just something people say is "cool," like a brand of sneakers, or a computer game, or a backpack. It's "cool" only because it's new and popular. When it's not so new, and not so popular anymore, it's not really "cool" anymore, and everyone decides something new is "cool."

The problem with this sort of "cool" is that it's always changing, and someone who wants to be "artificial cool" has to always chase after what's "cool" today, then chase again what's "cool" tomorrow. It's not about what you want to do, anymore. It's about what others say you're supposed to want to do. And even if you do it, and become "cool" for a little while, you'll have to do it all over again tomorrow, when what's "cool" changes.

It's true, some people like you if you're "cool." But if you think about it, they aren't the sort of people you'd really want to be friends with, unless they like you whether or not you're "cool" like that. If they don't like you if you don't have the new cool video game, but they like you if you do -- well, really, do they like the video game, or do they like you? If they like you, then wouldn't they like you even if you didn't have the video game?

Adults sometimes forget this, too. There are grownups who try to have all the "cool" things, and act in the "cool" ways. They drive popular cars and wear popular clothes, and make sure their house is full of popular things, and spend their free time doing popular things. Some of them do it just because they like something, whether or not it's "cool." But some people do it only because it's "cool," because they hope people will like them more if they do.

(continued in next post)

Part 2/2

[rancourt.livejournal.com]

(continued from previous post)

I used to be one of those grownups. I wasn't very popular when I was a kid, and when I grew up, I wanted to be the kind of grownup everybody liked, too. Some people did seem to like me when I acted "cool," and did "cool" things and had "cool" stuff. But then, when later on I didn't have as many "cool" things, the people who liked me for being "cool" suddenly didn't like me as much anymore. It hurt a lot, to see that something as silly and unimportant as money or toys would make people like me less.

But some people didn't like me less. They stayed friends, just like before. Nothing changed for us, even though I was no longer "cool." These people showed me that it was me, not how "cool" I was, that they liked. These people were my real friends.

And it was then, after I was no longer "cool," that I started making many, many more friends. All of a sudden, I just couldn't stop meeting new people who enjoyed talking to me. And I realized that it was because, now that I wasn't afraid to be "uncool," I'd become real cool.

That, Daniel, is one of the biggest secrets to being cool -- to be yourself. It's okay to do things everyone else does, if you like them too. It's okay to do things differently than everyone else (so long as you're not breaking any important rules or hurting anyone), if that's how you like to do them. But aside from following the rules life gives you, when it comes to things you *want* to do, that's what should decide it -- do you really want to do them? It doesn't matter if all your friends like it, if you don't. It doesn't matter if none of your friends like it, if you do. (Hey, you're talking here to a thirty year old man who thinks My Little Ponies are pretty. Talk about something unusual, huh?)

A lot of people do what's "cool." That makes them the same, in that way. There's nothing wrong with being like everyone else, if you like to be that way. But there's also nothing wrong with being different (again, so long as you're not breaking an important rule or hurting anyone by it).

Do what you like to do. And I bet, one day, you'll make a friend who says to you, "Nobody does things quite like you do. It's really cool."

And the people who care about you will be cheering you on, and very proud of you.

Re: Part 2/2

[ladyperegrine.livejournal.com]

I think I'll wait and try reading this to him tonight--it may be beyond his attention span/comprehension level right now (at 5), but I definitely plan to hold on to it for later, if so. And sometimes he surprises me.

So much wisdom here. Thank you.

Re: Part 2/2

[rancourt.livejournal.com]

*smile* Hey, if the thoughts in it help at all, that's all I could hope. Take it from a happily "post-cool" adult. :)